“Ma’am, why does my Mom like watching sinetrons on television?”
An ex student of mine asked me this question several weeks ago via chatbox on FB. Instead of giving him direct answer, I asked him to think first,
“Why do you think?”
He was somewhat annoyed perhaps coz I even returned the question to him.
“I need your answer, based on your perspective. I don’t know the answer, that’s why I asked you about that.” he said. LOL.
Well, he was in my SPEAKING 5 class many years ago. As far as I remember, in such classes, I could give any topic to be discussed in the classroom. You can guess of course I exposed my feminist perspective when discussing things in the class.
“I want to hear your idea first, then, I will tell you what I am thinking.” I said.
But he was adamant. LOL. He wanted to hear my opinion.
And I insisted to know his opinion first.
Like teacher like student? LOL.
Unfortunately, some minutes later, he disappeared.
The following day he popped up in the chatbox again, and said, “Ma’am, I have found the answer.”
“Ok. Shoot!” I responded.
“It is because the stories are very interesting and make the viewers curious what will be going on in the continuation. That is what my Mom said when I asked her about it.”
I laughed to hear that. I didn’t laugh at him nor his Mom. Not at all.
Well, if the answer is like that, well, everybody knows, I guess.
“Anything behind that?” I inquired.
He didn’t give me a satisfying answer, but just, “Well, if my Mom thinks as complicatedly as you do, she will not just be a housewife. She will be a lecturer, like you.” he whined. LOL.
However, before I told him my opinion, he disappeared. Until now we haven’t had time to continue this discussion. Therefore, I am writing this. :-)
I remember my time when I was only a housewife. Long long time ago!!! I spent many hours a day to watch TV too. I watched telenovela, such as Maria Mercedez, Marimar, etc. So I think the first reason why many housewives watch sinetrons is because they have plenty of spare time. The second – perhaps this is even the main reason – many mere housewives don’t have lots of things to think, to contemplate, to maximize the use of their brain. They need to find something to think, to contemplate, and even then to discuss together with their neighbors.
People who often use their brain while working will not have much spare space in their brain to think of any other things, such as those themes or stories of sinetrons.
The third reason is perhaps people need to see something to be pitied, so that they will not feel so miserable in their life.
The fourth, people need to escape from their real life.
Anybody else wanna add? You are certainly welcome.
N.B.: Perhaps he is right, I think too complicatedly. LOL.
PT56 21.59 151109
Showing posts with label housewife. Show all posts
Showing posts with label housewife. Show all posts
Monday, November 16, 2009
Monday, July 14, 2008
A Wife's Place
“A wife must always be beside the husband” is a very common and taken-for-granted idea in the patriarchal culture. Although this is considered quite obsolete in this era, moreover by feminists, I believe many people still adhere to it. Therefore, it is very easy to find a woman who gives up her job after getting married because her husband—who happens to work out of town, or out of island—asks her to be by his side.
Several weeks ago, a neighbour was seen here while in fact several months ago I heard that she moved to Kalimantan, to follow her husband who worked there. Her mother said, “She didn’t feel at home there. Not many things could she do so she easily felt bored.”
“How could she say she felt bored? She had an honourable duty there, to accompany her husband!” This was my mother’s comment. FYI, my mother was taken to Semarang by my dad five days after they got married in 1962. Despite the fact they were cousins, they barely knew each other. I once told her that she was very lucky because my dad was a very good man so that she was really in the ”right hands” after she was taken away from her loving parents. That’s why it is understandable if she completely agrees with the aforementioned idea, “a wife must always be beside the husband.”
To respond her comment above, I asked whether that neighbour of ours worked before she moved to Kalimantan. She did. So, it was very easy to know why she was bored in the somewhat isolated area. She was accustomed to being busy working, and suddenly she was forced to be idle. Not all women were born to have a housewife instinct, I suppose, so it must be understood if some of them could not find enjoyment being a “Stepford Wife”, who feels excited to do all household chores and become the best servant for the husband and children, as well as become submissive.
Perhaps that neighbour of mine could not get enjoyment being a Stepford wife.
The second reason was it was hard for women who used to work and get her own money and suddenly she became financially dependent. This would be worse if the husband were stingy, calculating money he gives the wife every month and does not really believe in the way the wife manages the money.
Agreeing with what I said, my mom then cited an example. In one community she joins, (she mostly joins religious groups, besides some gatherings in the neighbourhood), several months ago the members planned to have a uniform. However, when discussing the cost of the uniform to make, one of the members desperately said, “It is difficult for me to make it. It depends on my husband’s generosity, because the money is his. He usually doesn’t agree if I want to buy new clothes.” The woman used to work. She stopped working after getting married because her husband asked her to be a full housewife.
I remembered the first wife of my brother. When they got married, she worked as a cashier in one bank. For that, she often went home late, around 9pm while my brother arrived home at 5pm the latest. After the bank got bankrupt, she became a full housewife. She didn’t look for another job because she said she wanted to focus on trying having a baby. I believe it was not my brother’s idea but hers due to Indonesian culture that adores having kids in a marriage. Some time after that, my brother opened a “playstation” rental. She seemed happy when counting the money she got on one day, and said to me, “I used to work and have my own money. After being laid off, I often felt depressed because I didn’t make my own money. The money I get everyday from this small business really makes me happy although only a little.”
Despite the fact she suffered from a physical disease, I sometimes thought that the depression she had by being a full housewife and coveting to have a baby helped “kill” her in 2004. My brother married her in 1992.
I think the two reasons aforementioned were enough to make my neighbour go back to her hometown. Moreover after knowing the possibility of the quiet and not enough entertainment in the city where her husband lives, one perhaps had better understand why a woman chooses to leave her husband and decides to have a long distance marriage.
I reminded my mom that she had a different background. She used to be very young when marrying my dad. She didn’t have any experience to earn her own money. Besides, she belongs to a ‘housewife type’ so she found enjoyment to do household chores. And the most important thing is: everything changes. The era has changed too.
PT56 19.59 130708
Several weeks ago, a neighbour was seen here while in fact several months ago I heard that she moved to Kalimantan, to follow her husband who worked there. Her mother said, “She didn’t feel at home there. Not many things could she do so she easily felt bored.”
“How could she say she felt bored? She had an honourable duty there, to accompany her husband!” This was my mother’s comment. FYI, my mother was taken to Semarang by my dad five days after they got married in 1962. Despite the fact they were cousins, they barely knew each other. I once told her that she was very lucky because my dad was a very good man so that she was really in the ”right hands” after she was taken away from her loving parents. That’s why it is understandable if she completely agrees with the aforementioned idea, “a wife must always be beside the husband.”
To respond her comment above, I asked whether that neighbour of ours worked before she moved to Kalimantan. She did. So, it was very easy to know why she was bored in the somewhat isolated area. She was accustomed to being busy working, and suddenly she was forced to be idle. Not all women were born to have a housewife instinct, I suppose, so it must be understood if some of them could not find enjoyment being a “Stepford Wife”, who feels excited to do all household chores and become the best servant for the husband and children, as well as become submissive.
Perhaps that neighbour of mine could not get enjoyment being a Stepford wife.
The second reason was it was hard for women who used to work and get her own money and suddenly she became financially dependent. This would be worse if the husband were stingy, calculating money he gives the wife every month and does not really believe in the way the wife manages the money.
Agreeing with what I said, my mom then cited an example. In one community she joins, (she mostly joins religious groups, besides some gatherings in the neighbourhood), several months ago the members planned to have a uniform. However, when discussing the cost of the uniform to make, one of the members desperately said, “It is difficult for me to make it. It depends on my husband’s generosity, because the money is his. He usually doesn’t agree if I want to buy new clothes.” The woman used to work. She stopped working after getting married because her husband asked her to be a full housewife.
I remembered the first wife of my brother. When they got married, she worked as a cashier in one bank. For that, she often went home late, around 9pm while my brother arrived home at 5pm the latest. After the bank got bankrupt, she became a full housewife. She didn’t look for another job because she said she wanted to focus on trying having a baby. I believe it was not my brother’s idea but hers due to Indonesian culture that adores having kids in a marriage. Some time after that, my brother opened a “playstation” rental. She seemed happy when counting the money she got on one day, and said to me, “I used to work and have my own money. After being laid off, I often felt depressed because I didn’t make my own money. The money I get everyday from this small business really makes me happy although only a little.”
Despite the fact she suffered from a physical disease, I sometimes thought that the depression she had by being a full housewife and coveting to have a baby helped “kill” her in 2004. My brother married her in 1992.
I think the two reasons aforementioned were enough to make my neighbour go back to her hometown. Moreover after knowing the possibility of the quiet and not enough entertainment in the city where her husband lives, one perhaps had better understand why a woman chooses to leave her husband and decides to have a long distance marriage.
I reminded my mom that she had a different background. She used to be very young when marrying my dad. She didn’t have any experience to earn her own money. Besides, she belongs to a ‘housewife type’ so she found enjoyment to do household chores. And the most important thing is: everything changes. The era has changed too.
PT56 19.59 130708
Thursday, July 13, 2006
The Housewife 2
To be a housewife is one modern thing that most women are supposed to covet in this era.
This statement was proposed by one member of the mailing list I join, Sastra-Pembebasan. (Sastra = Literature, while Pembebasan = freedom). I assume that the one who proposed this idea is one member of that Islamic fundamental group. He came to this conclusion when his wife one day, some years ago, told him that she would quit working outside and pay more attention and time for the family. It happened when he and the family lived in America some years ago.
The ridiculous thing is then he considered it as the standard of being modern for women, LOL, also as the standard of happiness for women. Moreover, then he somewhat forced other women to follow his wife’s path coz he said that nowadays many American women choose to be housewife more than to be working mothers (and would “produce” naughty, unhappy, rebellious, bla bla bla children coz women would not have enough time for the children.)
If I relate it to my previous article on Charlotte Perkins Gilman’s criticism on housewife’s role promoted by the Cult of True Womanhood in the middle of the nineteenth century, this ridiculous man is left behind many centuries before. LOL.
The second wave of feminist movement in America starting in 1960s showed the tendency of most feminists to abolish the façade that being a housewife was the most coveted “profession” for women. I am of opinion that this was the heritage of the cult of True Womanhood in the nineteenth century America that still covered American culture during the first half of the twentieth century. Therefore, many feminists showed their dislike for women who chose to be a housewife.
However, the post-feminisms ideology offered new things. Women have their full rights to choose what they want to do in their life—whether to pursue their own career outside home or at home. We emphasize more on the rights of women to make their own decision. When a woman chooses to be a full housewife, it must be from the woman’s decision, and not the husband’s choice, moreover the husband’s command. On the contrary, we also respect women’s decision to work outside and become financially independent.
The main point of feminisms ideology—in my opinion—is that women have full rights for their own choice for their own life: what to wear, what to do, whom to marry, what profession to have, etc. Women no longer need husbands’ permission only to do something that sometimes is only a trivial thing.
Only not confident men will not let their wives do this and that. Only not confident men will abuse the verses from their holy books—the Bible or the Alquran let’s say—to justify what they do to control women from their rights to have their own life.
PT56 12.11 140706
This statement was proposed by one member of the mailing list I join, Sastra-Pembebasan. (Sastra = Literature, while Pembebasan = freedom). I assume that the one who proposed this idea is one member of that Islamic fundamental group. He came to this conclusion when his wife one day, some years ago, told him that she would quit working outside and pay more attention and time for the family. It happened when he and the family lived in America some years ago.
The ridiculous thing is then he considered it as the standard of being modern for women, LOL, also as the standard of happiness for women. Moreover, then he somewhat forced other women to follow his wife’s path coz he said that nowadays many American women choose to be housewife more than to be working mothers (and would “produce” naughty, unhappy, rebellious, bla bla bla children coz women would not have enough time for the children.)
If I relate it to my previous article on Charlotte Perkins Gilman’s criticism on housewife’s role promoted by the Cult of True Womanhood in the middle of the nineteenth century, this ridiculous man is left behind many centuries before. LOL.
The second wave of feminist movement in America starting in 1960s showed the tendency of most feminists to abolish the façade that being a housewife was the most coveted “profession” for women. I am of opinion that this was the heritage of the cult of True Womanhood in the nineteenth century America that still covered American culture during the first half of the twentieth century. Therefore, many feminists showed their dislike for women who chose to be a housewife.
However, the post-feminisms ideology offered new things. Women have their full rights to choose what they want to do in their life—whether to pursue their own career outside home or at home. We emphasize more on the rights of women to make their own decision. When a woman chooses to be a full housewife, it must be from the woman’s decision, and not the husband’s choice, moreover the husband’s command. On the contrary, we also respect women’s decision to work outside and become financially independent.
The main point of feminisms ideology—in my opinion—is that women have full rights for their own choice for their own life: what to wear, what to do, whom to marry, what profession to have, etc. Women no longer need husbands’ permission only to do something that sometimes is only a trivial thing.
Only not confident men will not let their wives do this and that. Only not confident men will abuse the verses from their holy books—the Bible or the Alquran let’s say—to justify what they do to control women from their rights to have their own life.
PT56 12.11 140706
The Housewife 1
THE HOUSEWIFE
Charlotte Perkins Gilman
(1860-1935)
Here is the House to hold me–cradle of all the race;
Here is my lord and my love, here are my children dear–
Here is the House enclosing, the dear-loved dwelling place;
Why should I ever weary for aught that I find not here?
Here for the hours of the day and the hours of the night;
Bound with the bands of Duty, rivetted tight;
Duty older than Adam–Duty that saw
Acceptance utter and hopeless in the eyes of the serving squaw.
Food and the serving of food–that is my daylong care;
What and when we shall eat, what and how we shall wear;
Soiling and cleaning of things–that is my task in the main–
Soil them and clean them and soil them–soil them and clean them again.
To work at my trade by the dozen and never a trade to know;
To plan like a Chinese puzzle–fitting and changing so;
To think of a thousand details, each in a thousand ways;
For my own immediate people and a possible love and praise.
My mind is trodden in circles, tiresome, narrow and hard,
Useful, commonplace, private–simply a small backyard;
And I the Mother of Nations!–Blind their struggle and vain!
I cover the earth with my children–each with a housewife's brain.
Charlotte Perkins Gilman is one favorite feminist writer of mine. Spending half of her time in the end of the nineteenth century America, Gilman of course still underwent the cult of True Womanhood in which one of the tenets is the cult of domesticity—being a housewife.
Appearing in the beginning of the eighteenth century, the cult of True Womanhood soon got a strong support from the religious bodies. The clergymen “trickily” and quickly were trying to find some verses in the Bible to strengthen the place for women—at home; forgetting that in the previous centuries women were also active in the public sphere. Not wanting to leave the puritan heritage of their ancestor as a pious nation, Americans put the burden to raise pious children to women’s shoulders. These pious children would be the future national leaders. The “interference” of the religious bodies successfully made most women coming from middle and high social class easily believed that they were born to stay home, to do household chores, to serve the husbands who worked in the industry outside home (after the Industrial Revolution was spread from England starting in the end of the seventeenth century and America in the beginning of the eighteenth century.
Gilman was one victim of the mother who strongly believed that she was born to stay home, no matter what happened. Her father left her mother and the two children in 1869. Her mother’s financial dependence forced them to move from one relative’s house to another, nineteen times in eighteen years. This also made the mother not able to show the care and love the children needed.
This bitter childhood made Gilman determined since a very young age to think that it was important for women to be financially independent. Being a full housewife would hamper a woman to be financially secure coz a woman wouldn’t have enough time to actualize her own skill, talent, and want. She wouldn’t have ample time to pursue her own career.
The poem I quoted above clearly shows Gilman’s criticism of the pride to be a housewife for women during her era.
In the first stanza, Gilman’s choice of word “lord” shows the unequal relationship between the husband and the wife. The word “lord” is used to show respect for someone who has a higher status. The husband—man—is the superior, while the wife—woman—is the inferior. A mother is even also less important than the children.
This condition is also criticized by Aquarini when her husband complained to her, “Why can’t you be an ordinary wife coz I am also only an ordinary husband?” After trying to find out what is the definition of “ordinary wife”, she came to a conclusion where one of them is when the family having meals, this housewife who has busily prepared the meals must let the husband eat first while she feeds the small children. After everybody is full, it is time for the “good” wife to have her own meal. After that, the husband will watch television or read newspapers, the wife continues working—doing the dishes. This illustration shows that the husband—the one who earns the money—is the “lord”, the respected one. The woman is the inferior.
The second stanza illustrates how doing the household chores has become the main duty for a housewife, all day long. It shows that the working hours for a housewife are almost for twenty-four hours. When can she have her own leisure time to do things she wants to enjoy for herself? However, a woman must accept it. Stanzas three and four explain more what a housewife must do—preparing the meals and clothes for the whole family members.
The last stanza is Gilman’s ultimate criticism of the existence of housewife as one “profession” for women in that era. When a woman is busy doing all those household chores and she doesn’t have time to improve knowledge, and do other intellectual things, how can society put the burden of raising the future national leaders on the shoulders of women whose mind is always occupied with doing household chores?
PT56 11.45 140706
Charlotte Perkins Gilman
(1860-1935)
Here is the House to hold me–cradle of all the race;
Here is my lord and my love, here are my children dear–
Here is the House enclosing, the dear-loved dwelling place;
Why should I ever weary for aught that I find not here?
Here for the hours of the day and the hours of the night;
Bound with the bands of Duty, rivetted tight;
Duty older than Adam–Duty that saw
Acceptance utter and hopeless in the eyes of the serving squaw.
Food and the serving of food–that is my daylong care;
What and when we shall eat, what and how we shall wear;
Soiling and cleaning of things–that is my task in the main–
Soil them and clean them and soil them–soil them and clean them again.
To work at my trade by the dozen and never a trade to know;
To plan like a Chinese puzzle–fitting and changing so;
To think of a thousand details, each in a thousand ways;
For my own immediate people and a possible love and praise.
My mind is trodden in circles, tiresome, narrow and hard,
Useful, commonplace, private–simply a small backyard;
And I the Mother of Nations!–Blind their struggle and vain!
I cover the earth with my children–each with a housewife's brain.
Charlotte Perkins Gilman is one favorite feminist writer of mine. Spending half of her time in the end of the nineteenth century America, Gilman of course still underwent the cult of True Womanhood in which one of the tenets is the cult of domesticity—being a housewife.
Appearing in the beginning of the eighteenth century, the cult of True Womanhood soon got a strong support from the religious bodies. The clergymen “trickily” and quickly were trying to find some verses in the Bible to strengthen the place for women—at home; forgetting that in the previous centuries women were also active in the public sphere. Not wanting to leave the puritan heritage of their ancestor as a pious nation, Americans put the burden to raise pious children to women’s shoulders. These pious children would be the future national leaders. The “interference” of the religious bodies successfully made most women coming from middle and high social class easily believed that they were born to stay home, to do household chores, to serve the husbands who worked in the industry outside home (after the Industrial Revolution was spread from England starting in the end of the seventeenth century and America in the beginning of the eighteenth century.
Gilman was one victim of the mother who strongly believed that she was born to stay home, no matter what happened. Her father left her mother and the two children in 1869. Her mother’s financial dependence forced them to move from one relative’s house to another, nineteen times in eighteen years. This also made the mother not able to show the care and love the children needed.
This bitter childhood made Gilman determined since a very young age to think that it was important for women to be financially independent. Being a full housewife would hamper a woman to be financially secure coz a woman wouldn’t have enough time to actualize her own skill, talent, and want. She wouldn’t have ample time to pursue her own career.
The poem I quoted above clearly shows Gilman’s criticism of the pride to be a housewife for women during her era.
In the first stanza, Gilman’s choice of word “lord” shows the unequal relationship between the husband and the wife. The word “lord” is used to show respect for someone who has a higher status. The husband—man—is the superior, while the wife—woman—is the inferior. A mother is even also less important than the children.
This condition is also criticized by Aquarini when her husband complained to her, “Why can’t you be an ordinary wife coz I am also only an ordinary husband?” After trying to find out what is the definition of “ordinary wife”, she came to a conclusion where one of them is when the family having meals, this housewife who has busily prepared the meals must let the husband eat first while she feeds the small children. After everybody is full, it is time for the “good” wife to have her own meal. After that, the husband will watch television or read newspapers, the wife continues working—doing the dishes. This illustration shows that the husband—the one who earns the money—is the “lord”, the respected one. The woman is the inferior.
The second stanza illustrates how doing the household chores has become the main duty for a housewife, all day long. It shows that the working hours for a housewife are almost for twenty-four hours. When can she have her own leisure time to do things she wants to enjoy for herself? However, a woman must accept it. Stanzas three and four explain more what a housewife must do—preparing the meals and clothes for the whole family members.
The last stanza is Gilman’s ultimate criticism of the existence of housewife as one “profession” for women in that era. When a woman is busy doing all those household chores and she doesn’t have time to improve knowledge, and do other intellectual things, how can society put the burden of raising the future national leaders on the shoulders of women whose mind is always occupied with doing household chores?
PT56 11.45 140706
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