Polygamy has been quite a boring topic for me actually (you can check how many posts I have written for this topic in this blog of mine). But still this time, I will write something about it again. If I don’t come up with a new ‘finding’ in this article, I do apologize. :)
What inspired me to write this article is the hot debate in one mailing list I join about this topic. JIL (Jaringan Islam Liberal or Liberal Islam Network) is one big Islam organization in Indonesia with very progressive policies and support pluralism and gender equality highly. (Check its site at http://islamlib.com/en/) Therefore when it was found out that one member of the mailing list was a polygamist, some feminist members were upset with this. They opined that JIL was not consistent to fight the gender inequality because letting a polygamist join the mailing list. They believed that having more than one wife is a violent act toward women and children and JIL is therefore absolutely against it.
To defend his polygamous ‘attitude’, the ‘culprit’ (LOL) gave excuse that the verses in Alquran are indeed multi-interpretable. There is no absolute truth of one interpretation, including in polygamy (mostly polyginy). He was supported by some other members saying, “Why should we bother with this case if the women themselves do not mind being the second, the third, or the nth wife.” As one organization that supports pluralism highly, JIL is not supposed to be ‘narrow-minded’ by believing in only one interpretation of Surah Annisa 3 (and some other verses related to it): the practice of polygamy is HARAM.
The ‘opposing’ side responded that human beings were created with brain so that they will use it to THINK. When many facts show that polygamy indeed engenders more problems and violence to women and children rather than positive sides (such as giving aids to the second wife, either in financially, or sociologically, etc) brainy human beings are supposed to take a wise interpretation: polygamy must be condemned and crushed from the world (the latter perhaps is very impossible to happen though).
One thing (quite) hurtful to some people is that in the past, the ‘culprit’ showed his contempt of the practice of polygamy, especially when one polygamist in Indonesia (quite popular public figure) proposed an idea to have POLYGAMY AWARD to encourage men to have more than one wife. He condemned this shameful award because having more than one wife was not an ideal thing, and award was something mostly related to the best thing. And in fact, eventually, he himself also married another woman while his first wife was still healthy, alive. FYI, referring to the Compilation of Islamic Law in Indonesia, a man can marry another woman under the following condition:
1.The wife cannot get pregnant to give the husband children
2.The wife is invalid so that she cannot serve the husband in bed
3.The wife is incapable of doing household chores, especially to serve the husband
My blog visitors can find out my view on polygamy by reading all posts of mine on this topic in this blog. As an additional point, I agree with one member saying that some ‘high profile’ of Indonesian public figures who are polygamists have got social punishment. Instead of making polygamous act accepted more worldwide (especially in Indonesia) by encouraging other men to follow their steps (such as PW who launched a tabloid named POLYGAMY a year ago, and in his chain restaurant he also provided one drink in the menu named POLYGAMY juice), their businesses even underwent loses. To me, it shows that although Indonesian (conventional Muslim) people get difficulty to separate religion from their daily routines, and they easily get ‘blurred’ in viewing things when ulemas influence national issues—such as easily condemning Al-Qiyadah as deviant religious sect, in term of polygamy, there are still many Indonesian people who are against it. My last year worry—that the giving of POLYGAMY AWARD and the launching of POLYGAMY tabloid would fool around Indonesian conventional Muslim people easily—did not come true. At least, until today.
PT56 13.05 191107
Showing posts with label polygamy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label polygamy. Show all posts
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
Friday, June 22, 2007
Marriage, polygamy, Single
In one mailing list I join, there is quite hot discussion about one public figure who married another woman’s husband. They got married some years ago, and only a year ago the case was revealed publicly when the public figure delivered her baby. The first wife together with her two children was reported to attack the second wife’s dwelling last year. It became a national hot gossip last year because the man was one son of the second president of Indonesia. (I also wrote it in my blog last year.)
This triangle love reached a higher peak some weeks ago when the husband decided to divorce the first wife; one proof that polygamy will always bring about sadness and misery to those involved: let’s say the wives and the children. Many women in Indonesia emotionally judged the second wife as a flirtatious bitch who stole another woman’s husband. However, there are also women who support the relationship between this man and his second wife, judging the first wife as lacking some things that made the man seek for another love from another woman.
In the discussion in the mailing list, one woman said that the imbalance number of men and women in the world (more women than men) seemed to be one proof from God that God consents polygamy (polyginy). She said that it was really a very sad thing for women to be single. That means it was better to be the nth wife of a man rather man to live single. I can also conclude that for her it was okay for a woman to hurt another woman rather than to live miserably without a spouse, although only half time spouse. She also said that despite the fact that more people live single nowadays, still the majority dream of getting married. A man said that God created more women than men as the best proof (or excuse?) that men indeed were created to be polygamous.
To counter the statement that God created more women than men, one member of the mailing list gave statistics of population in the whole world and also in Indonesia. Below is the statistics:
sex ratio (world):
at birth: 1.06 male(s)/female
under 15 years: 1.06 male(s)/female
15-64 years: 1.03 male(s)/female
65 years and over: 0.79 male(s)/female
total population: 1.01 male(s)/female (2006 est.)
sex ratio (Indonesia):
at birth: 1.05 male(s)/female
under 15 years: 1.04 male(s)/female
15-64 years: 1 male(s)/female
65 years and over: 0.77 male(s)/female
total population: 1 male(s)/female (2006 est.)
This discussion reminded me of my students’ essay in the written test two weeks ago. They got three topics to write: first, how to prepare a presentation; second, advertisements on television engenders consumerism, third, being a successful businesswoman and living single or having a family. Seven students chose the third topic, six girls and one boy. All of them would rather get married and have a family than to be a successful businessperson and live single. They mentioned almost similar reason: marriage is the ultimate goal in someone’s life and it will make them live happily.
For your information, those seven students are still in their late teenage, around seventeen till nineteen.
I was not surprised to read their essays of course. They are all still too young to know the real problems of marriage life. They are still lulled by some fairy tales telling them about “Then the prince and the princess got married. They finally lived together happily ever after.”
How did I perceive the woman in the mailing list? Even though I believe she already reached a mature age (since she called herself as IBU XXXX, in Indonesian language, the word IBU refers to a mature woman), her way of thinking to view marriage is just like the rest of (naïve) society that still idolize marriage institution as the only gate to get happiness.
PT56 17.45 210607
This triangle love reached a higher peak some weeks ago when the husband decided to divorce the first wife; one proof that polygamy will always bring about sadness and misery to those involved: let’s say the wives and the children. Many women in Indonesia emotionally judged the second wife as a flirtatious bitch who stole another woman’s husband. However, there are also women who support the relationship between this man and his second wife, judging the first wife as lacking some things that made the man seek for another love from another woman.
In the discussion in the mailing list, one woman said that the imbalance number of men and women in the world (more women than men) seemed to be one proof from God that God consents polygamy (polyginy). She said that it was really a very sad thing for women to be single. That means it was better to be the nth wife of a man rather man to live single. I can also conclude that for her it was okay for a woman to hurt another woman rather than to live miserably without a spouse, although only half time spouse. She also said that despite the fact that more people live single nowadays, still the majority dream of getting married. A man said that God created more women than men as the best proof (or excuse?) that men indeed were created to be polygamous.
To counter the statement that God created more women than men, one member of the mailing list gave statistics of population in the whole world and also in Indonesia. Below is the statistics:
sex ratio (world):
at birth: 1.06 male(s)/female
under 15 years: 1.06 male(s)/female
15-64 years: 1.03 male(s)/female
65 years and over: 0.79 male(s)/female
total population: 1.01 male(s)/female (2006 est.)
sex ratio (Indonesia):
at birth: 1.05 male(s)/female
under 15 years: 1.04 male(s)/female
15-64 years: 1 male(s)/female
65 years and over: 0.77 male(s)/female
total population: 1 male(s)/female (2006 est.)
This discussion reminded me of my students’ essay in the written test two weeks ago. They got three topics to write: first, how to prepare a presentation; second, advertisements on television engenders consumerism, third, being a successful businesswoman and living single or having a family. Seven students chose the third topic, six girls and one boy. All of them would rather get married and have a family than to be a successful businessperson and live single. They mentioned almost similar reason: marriage is the ultimate goal in someone’s life and it will make them live happily.
For your information, those seven students are still in their late teenage, around seventeen till nineteen.
I was not surprised to read their essays of course. They are all still too young to know the real problems of marriage life. They are still lulled by some fairy tales telling them about “Then the prince and the princess got married. They finally lived together happily ever after.”
How did I perceive the woman in the mailing list? Even though I believe she already reached a mature age (since she called herself as IBU XXXX, in Indonesian language, the word IBU refers to a mature woman), her way of thinking to view marriage is just like the rest of (naïve) society that still idolize marriage institution as the only gate to get happiness.
PT56 17.45 210607
Tuesday, May 22, 2007
Abortion and Polygamy
My article entitled “Abortion” has been discussed quite extensively in some mailing lists I join. I posted this article in my blogs/mailing lists some weeks ago. I got two impressive comments too in my http://afemaleguest.blog.co.uk
However, when browsing some files I keep in the desktop where I save my articles for blogs, last night I found another article with the same title too. Only at that time, I didn’t clearly express my pro idea for this topic, and I didn’t ‘promote’ it in the mailing lists either.
My Abang that I suspect as one regular reader of my blogs—not to call him the most diligent one LOL—didn’t give comments on this directly. He even responded on a comment about (radical) feminists who would choose to live without men. Perhaps I can conclude that my Abang doesn’t want to get involved with my writing, that I have to be responsible with what I have written and posted in the blogs and mailing lists.
One very interesting comment I got was asking about my saying, “women have full rights on their bodies so that they have full rights too to choose what they will do with their bodies.” (This is based on one motto of feminism about PERSONAL IS POLITICAL.) With “backup” of some other feminists in the mailing list, the discussion ended nicely. The man completely didn’t with the idea of “my body is mine”, especially for married couple.
However, when one topic related to ‘abortion’ finished, another person opened a new discussion. This time he mentioned about the right to live for the fetus. He inserted some quotes from Mother Teresa about abortion. The main idea is that the late Mother Teresa scolded ‘abortion’ as the same as killing babies.
I responded that practicing abortion is absolutely different from killing babies. Which is crueler, to terminate the fetus to grow, or to kill the baby after the baby was delivered because the mother doesn’t want the baby? I refer to what Alquran has said that a fetus that is less than three months old does not have soul yet because God doesn’t give it life yet. To end the response, I encourage to start establishing an organization to take care of girls who get pregnant without their want, and to adopt the babies, and then give the babies to those who want them.
I am of opinion that that person got annoyed with my response. (perhaps he got a bad day in his office so that it spurred him to write such a response with upset tone to me?)
He said that he and I would not be able to find a good compromise because it would lead the similar discussion of polygamy, pro or con. Hohoho NOT AT ALL. I still stick to say that polygamy can be HARAM by making a thorough interpretation of the whole verses in Alquran wholly, and not partially. I don’t want to rewrite it here. Just check my blogs. Use the search engine (for the visitors of http://afeministblog.blogspot.com) or click the tag of ‘polygamy’ for the visitors of my http://afemaleguest.blog.co.uk to find my posts on polygamy.)
LL 16.54 220507
However, when browsing some files I keep in the desktop where I save my articles for blogs, last night I found another article with the same title too. Only at that time, I didn’t clearly express my pro idea for this topic, and I didn’t ‘promote’ it in the mailing lists either.
My Abang that I suspect as one regular reader of my blogs—not to call him the most diligent one LOL—didn’t give comments on this directly. He even responded on a comment about (radical) feminists who would choose to live without men. Perhaps I can conclude that my Abang doesn’t want to get involved with my writing, that I have to be responsible with what I have written and posted in the blogs and mailing lists.
One very interesting comment I got was asking about my saying, “women have full rights on their bodies so that they have full rights too to choose what they will do with their bodies.” (This is based on one motto of feminism about PERSONAL IS POLITICAL.) With “backup” of some other feminists in the mailing list, the discussion ended nicely. The man completely didn’t with the idea of “my body is mine”, especially for married couple.
However, when one topic related to ‘abortion’ finished, another person opened a new discussion. This time he mentioned about the right to live for the fetus. He inserted some quotes from Mother Teresa about abortion. The main idea is that the late Mother Teresa scolded ‘abortion’ as the same as killing babies.
I responded that practicing abortion is absolutely different from killing babies. Which is crueler, to terminate the fetus to grow, or to kill the baby after the baby was delivered because the mother doesn’t want the baby? I refer to what Alquran has said that a fetus that is less than three months old does not have soul yet because God doesn’t give it life yet. To end the response, I encourage to start establishing an organization to take care of girls who get pregnant without their want, and to adopt the babies, and then give the babies to those who want them.
I am of opinion that that person got annoyed with my response. (perhaps he got a bad day in his office so that it spurred him to write such a response with upset tone to me?)
He said that he and I would not be able to find a good compromise because it would lead the similar discussion of polygamy, pro or con. Hohoho NOT AT ALL. I still stick to say that polygamy can be HARAM by making a thorough interpretation of the whole verses in Alquran wholly, and not partially. I don’t want to rewrite it here. Just check my blogs. Use the search engine (for the visitors of http://afeministblog.blogspot.com) or click the tag of ‘polygamy’ for the visitors of my http://afemaleguest.blog.co.uk to find my posts on polygamy.)
LL 16.54 220507
Sunday, December 3, 2006
Polygamy
In fact, I am already bored with this topic. Some months ago I got upset and annoyed when I found a message in Perempuan (women) mailing list I join saying the plan of PW, the owner of one grilled chicken restaurant in Indonesia, to launch a tabloid named ‘Polygamy. I could directly “read” that the tabloid would be used to blind society where the majority don’t know well about Islamic teaching. I wrote some posts in my blog about this (read => polygamy) and I believe the readers of my blog could easily conclude that I was mad. (This shows I completely agree with Aquarini Priyatna in her book Kajian Budaya Feminis /Feminist Cultural Studies that she writes coz she is angry.) The readers of my blog at http://afemaleguest.blog.co.uk where the most visitors are western people supported me to damn polygamy. The readers of my blog at http://afeministblog.blogspot.com where the most visitors are people from South East Asia were divided into two, one side agreed with my disapproval of polygamy; the other side scolded me for not reading Alquran comprehensively where it stated that a man can have two, three, or four wives (Surah Annisa: 3)
After looking for some ‘cracks’ of my own posts, that haven’t been discussed by me, I come to this idea to write as follows.
The most recent shocking polygamy news was between one public figure in Islamic teachings in Indonesia popularly nicknamed as AA Gym with a widow having one child, in her middle thirties. I must say that many people in Indonesia idolize him while I myself see him only as one ulema, not different from others who had been popular before AA Gym made a name for himself. In my eyes, all (religious) people who are well-read always have chance to (mis)lead their followers by using (or abusing) the verses in their holy books. It, then, depends on their personal character.
Because I am from literary discipline, now I want to see these polygamy things from literary theories.
First, structuralism theory. This theory focuses on what is stated in one work, without involving any other aspects, such as the writer of the work (using expressive approach must be very impossible coz as a Muslim, I do believe that Alquran was passed down to Prophet Muhammad from God), the society when the verses of Alquran were passed down to Muhammad, and the readers of Alquran. One verse mostly quoted by people who approve polygamy is:
"If you fear that you shall not be able to deal justly with the orphans, marry women of your choice, two or three or four;”(Alquran, 4:3)
But apparently they forget to quote the continuation of this verse, that is:
“… but if you fear that you shall not be able to deal justly with them, then only one" (4:3).
Again, in the same Surah Annisa verse 129 Alquran states:
“although you want to deal justly, you will not be able to do that.”
Forgetting the continuation of this verse must clearly show the egotism of the polygamy doers, and those ulemas who approve polygamy. Isn’t it already VERY CLEAR that men as human beings WILL NOT BE ABLE to do things justly, although only a slight, people will always have this tendency. Therefore, isn’t it possible to interpret that practicing polygamy is HARAM? And we all know that those ulemas are very sensitive with this HARAM thing? Why don’t they apply it in polygamy?
Don’t read one work (read => Alquran in this case) only part per part, and then not read them as a whole.
Second theory is sociohistorical theory. We relate one work with the social and historical event when the work is written. In this case, when this particular verse was passed down to Prophet Muhammad. The verse was passed down after Muslim troops were beaten by their enemies. Uhud war killed many Muslim men so that many women suddenly became widows. Remembering that at that time women didn’t have access in public spheres, not having rights for their own properties either, to save these, this verse was passed down, to give green light to Prophet Muhammad, and some other Muslim men in that era to save those women to take care of their own properties left by their husbands. Prophet Muhammad and some other Muslim men then took care of the survival of those women and their children using their own heritage. If they hadn’t got married, it was worried that their heritage would be given to some other people—such as uncles—who then would just rob those unfortunate women.
Viewing polygamy using this context, we can clearly see that in this era, practicing polygamy is no longer acceptable coz now women already have access in public spheres, in Indonesia (especially) women can become the owner of the properties their husbands left and take care of their own life.
What else, then, is this polygamy for done in this era? Only to celebrate libido, stated M. Hilaly Basya the chief of Youth Islamic Study Club Al-Azhar (Jurnal Perempuan number 31 “Menimbang Polygamy” published in September 2003.)
To end this article, well, AA Gym is just a human being. I must say that it is not his full mistake when many people in Indonesia idolize him (as if they forget that AA Gym is JUST A HUMAN BEING. Prophet Muhammad, the most chosen person in this world for Muslim people couldn’t avoid making his wife jealous with his polygamy, moreover some other people.) It just shows that AA Gym has been beaten by his egotism, and his libido.
PT56 10.19 041206
After looking for some ‘cracks’ of my own posts, that haven’t been discussed by me, I come to this idea to write as follows.
The most recent shocking polygamy news was between one public figure in Islamic teachings in Indonesia popularly nicknamed as AA Gym with a widow having one child, in her middle thirties. I must say that many people in Indonesia idolize him while I myself see him only as one ulema, not different from others who had been popular before AA Gym made a name for himself. In my eyes, all (religious) people who are well-read always have chance to (mis)lead their followers by using (or abusing) the verses in their holy books. It, then, depends on their personal character.
Because I am from literary discipline, now I want to see these polygamy things from literary theories.
First, structuralism theory. This theory focuses on what is stated in one work, without involving any other aspects, such as the writer of the work (using expressive approach must be very impossible coz as a Muslim, I do believe that Alquran was passed down to Prophet Muhammad from God), the society when the verses of Alquran were passed down to Muhammad, and the readers of Alquran. One verse mostly quoted by people who approve polygamy is:
"If you fear that you shall not be able to deal justly with the orphans, marry women of your choice, two or three or four;”(Alquran, 4:3)
But apparently they forget to quote the continuation of this verse, that is:
“… but if you fear that you shall not be able to deal justly with them, then only one" (4:3).
Again, in the same Surah Annisa verse 129 Alquran states:
“although you want to deal justly, you will not be able to do that.”
Forgetting the continuation of this verse must clearly show the egotism of the polygamy doers, and those ulemas who approve polygamy. Isn’t it already VERY CLEAR that men as human beings WILL NOT BE ABLE to do things justly, although only a slight, people will always have this tendency. Therefore, isn’t it possible to interpret that practicing polygamy is HARAM? And we all know that those ulemas are very sensitive with this HARAM thing? Why don’t they apply it in polygamy?
Don’t read one work (read => Alquran in this case) only part per part, and then not read them as a whole.
Second theory is sociohistorical theory. We relate one work with the social and historical event when the work is written. In this case, when this particular verse was passed down to Prophet Muhammad. The verse was passed down after Muslim troops were beaten by their enemies. Uhud war killed many Muslim men so that many women suddenly became widows. Remembering that at that time women didn’t have access in public spheres, not having rights for their own properties either, to save these, this verse was passed down, to give green light to Prophet Muhammad, and some other Muslim men in that era to save those women to take care of their own properties left by their husbands. Prophet Muhammad and some other Muslim men then took care of the survival of those women and their children using their own heritage. If they hadn’t got married, it was worried that their heritage would be given to some other people—such as uncles—who then would just rob those unfortunate women.
Viewing polygamy using this context, we can clearly see that in this era, practicing polygamy is no longer acceptable coz now women already have access in public spheres, in Indonesia (especially) women can become the owner of the properties their husbands left and take care of their own life.
What else, then, is this polygamy for done in this era? Only to celebrate libido, stated M. Hilaly Basya the chief of Youth Islamic Study Club Al-Azhar (Jurnal Perempuan number 31 “Menimbang Polygamy” published in September 2003.)
To end this article, well, AA Gym is just a human being. I must say that it is not his full mistake when many people in Indonesia idolize him (as if they forget that AA Gym is JUST A HUMAN BEING. Prophet Muhammad, the most chosen person in this world for Muslim people couldn’t avoid making his wife jealous with his polygamy, moreover some other people.) It just shows that AA Gym has been beaten by his egotism, and his libido.
PT56 10.19 041206
Friday, August 11, 2006
Polygamy Again :(
Some days ago I read a short article about one celebrity in Indonesia. She said that she already got ‘enlightenment’ about practicing polygamy; that it is only for women’s good. She used to be a quite popular singer in 1980s- the early 1990s. After she got married and started wearing hijab, she no longer earned her living by singing. Well, perhaps she also felt that she got ‘enlightenment’ that for women, voice was not supposed to be sold; women’s voice was not supposed for public, coz perhaps it can turn on the opposite sex?
And in Indonesia, as far as I know, the more religious someone is, the more receptive he/she is for any teaching. And in Indonesia, “good” women are related to religious women. Women so much covet to be considered as “good” women (it means religious!) that they are willing to sacrifice their own feeling, by accepting any religious teachings without using their common sense, without being critical.
Going back to the celebrity I mentioned in the beginning of this writing, she even has prepared her two daughters to believe in the “goodness” of polygamy so that they will not disobey it in the future. Unfortunately, the journalist didn’t mention completely the reason why she campaigned on polygamy. One reason: according to the statistics there are more women than men in the world. However, that celebrity forgot to check the age bracket. Since women have tendency to have longer life than men, there are more elderly women rather than elderly men. And of course, it will make the statistics show that there are more women than men. Well, I don’t mean to say that elderly women don’t have right to get married though. However, following the stereotyping, elderly women seldom think of getting married (again). Or am I just a wise-guy?
Anyway, I know this polygamy thing will always have many followers as well as many haters.
PT56 21.07 080806
And in Indonesia, as far as I know, the more religious someone is, the more receptive he/she is for any teaching. And in Indonesia, “good” women are related to religious women. Women so much covet to be considered as “good” women (it means religious!) that they are willing to sacrifice their own feeling, by accepting any religious teachings without using their common sense, without being critical.
Going back to the celebrity I mentioned in the beginning of this writing, she even has prepared her two daughters to believe in the “goodness” of polygamy so that they will not disobey it in the future. Unfortunately, the journalist didn’t mention completely the reason why she campaigned on polygamy. One reason: according to the statistics there are more women than men in the world. However, that celebrity forgot to check the age bracket. Since women have tendency to have longer life than men, there are more elderly women rather than elderly men. And of course, it will make the statistics show that there are more women than men. Well, I don’t mean to say that elderly women don’t have right to get married though. However, following the stereotyping, elderly women seldom think of getting married (again). Or am I just a wise-guy?
Anyway, I know this polygamy thing will always have many followers as well as many haters.
PT56 21.07 080806
Wednesday, June 28, 2006
Poligami = Sunnah?
Artikel dari sebuah milis. Well, ide yang ditulis tidak beda jauh dari apa yang kutulis dari Polygamy = Sunnah Rasul? yang dalam bahasa Inggris itu. :) It shows that Faqihudin Abdul Kodir and I are sailing in the same boat. :)
Benarkah Poligami Sunah?
Faqihuddin Abdul Kodir
UNGKAPAN "poligami itu sunah" sering digunakan sebagai pembenaran poligami. Namun, berlindung pada pernyataan itu, sebenarnya bentuk lain dari pengalihan tanggung jawab atas tuntutan untuk berlaku adil karena pada kenyataannya, sebagaimana ditegaskan Al Quran, berlaku adil sangat sulit dilakukan (An-Nisa: 129).
DALIL "poligami adalah sunah" biasanya diajukan karena sandaran kepada teks ayat Al Quran (QS An-Nisa, 4: 2-3) lebih mudah dipatahkan. Satu-satunya ayat yang berbicara tentang poligami sebenarnya tidak mengungkapkan hal itu pada konteks memotivasi, apalagi mengapresiasi poligami. Ayat ini meletakkan poligami pada konteks perlindungan terhadap yatim piatu dan janda korban perang.
Dari kedua ayat itu, beberapa ulama kontemporer, seperti Syekh Muhammad Abduh, Syekh Rashid Ridha, dan Syekh Muhammad al-Madan-ketiganya ulama terkemuka Azhar Mesir-lebih memilih memperketat.
Lebih jauh Abduh menyatakan, poligami adalah penyimpangan dari relasi perkawinan yang wajar dan hanya dibenarkan secara syar'i dalam keadaan darurat sosial, seperti perang, dengan syarat tidak menimbulkan kerusakan dan kezaliman (Tafsir al-Manar, 4/287).
Anehnya, ayat tersebut bagi kalangan yang propoligami dipelintir menjadi "hak penuh" laki-laki untuk berpoligami. Dalih mereka, perbuatan itu untuk mengikuti sunah Nabi Muhammad SAW. Menjadi menggelikan ketika praktik poligami bahkan dipakai sebagai tolok ukur keislaman seseorang: semakin aktif berpoligami dianggap semakin baik poisisi keagamaannya. Atau, semakin bersabar seorang istri menerima permaduan, semakin baik kualitas imannya.
Slogan-slogan yang sering dimunculkan misalnya, "poligami membawa berkah", atau "poligami itu indah", dan yang lebih populer adalah "poligami itu sunah".
Dalam definisi fikih, sunah berarti tindakan yang baik untuk dilakukan. Umumnya mengacu kepada perilaku Nabi. Namun, amalan poligami, yang dinisbatkan kepada Nabi, ini jelas sangat distorsif. Alasannya, jika memang dianggap sunah, mengapa Nabi tidak melakukannya sejak pertama kali berumah tangga?
Nyatanya, sepanjang hayatnya, Nabi lebih lama bermonogami daripada berpoligami. Bayangkan, monogami dilakukan Nabi di tengah masyarakat yang menganggap poligami adalah lumrah. Rumah tangga Nabi SAW bersama istri tunggalnya, Khadijah binti Khuwalid RA, berlangsung selama 28 tahun. Baru kemudian, dua tahun sepeninggal Khadijah, Nabi berpoligami. Itu pun dijalani hanya sekitar delapan tahun dari sisa hidup beliau. Dari kalkulasi ini, sebenarnya tidak beralasan pernyataan "poligami itu sunah".
Sunah, seperti yang didefinisikan Imam Syafi'i (w. 204 H), adalah penerapan Nabi SAW terhadap wahyu yang diturunkan. Pada kasus poligami Nabi sedang mengejawantahkan Ayat An-Nisa 2-3 mengenai perlindungan terhadap janda mati dan anak-anak yatim. Dengan menelusuri kitab Jami' al-Ushul (kompilasi dari enam kitab hadis ternama) karya Imam Ibn al-Atsir (544-606H), kita dapat menemukan bukti bahwa poligami Nabi adalah media untuk menyelesaikan persoalan social saat itu, ketika lembaga sosial yang ada belum cukup kukuh untuk solusi.
Bukti bahwa perkawinan Nabi untuk penyelesaian problem sosial bisa dilihat pada teks-teks hadis yang membicarakan perkawinan-perkawinan Nabi. Kebanyakan dari mereka adalah janda mati,
kecuali Aisyah binti bu Bakr RA.
Selain itu, sebagai rekaman sejarah jurisprudensi Islam, ungkapan "poligami itu sunah" juga merupakan reduksi yang sangat besar. Nikah saja, menurut fikih, memiliki berbagai predikat hukum, tergantung kondisi calon suami, calon istri, atau kondisi masyarakatnya. Nikah bisa wajib, sunah, mubah (boleh), atau sekadar diizinkan. Bahkan, Imam al-Alusi dalam tafsirnya, Rûhal-Ma'âni, menyatakan, nikah bisa diharamkan ketika calon suami tahu dirinya tidak akan bisa memenuhi hak-hak istri, apalagi sampai menyakiti dan mencelakakannya. Demikian halnya dengan poligami. Karena itu, Muhammad Abduh dengan melihat kondisi Mesir saat itu, lebih memilih mengharamkan poligami.
Nabi dan larangan poligami
Dalam kitab Ibn al-Atsir, poligami yang dilakukan Nabi adalah upaya transformasi sosial (lihat pada Jâmi' al-Ushûl, juz XII, 108-179). Mekanisme poligami yang diterapkan Nabi merupakan strategi untuk meningkatkan kedudukan perempuan dalam tradisi feodal Arab pada abad ke-7 Masehi. Saat itu, nilai sosial seorang perempuan dan janda sedemikian rendah sehingga seorang laki-laki dapat beristri sebanyak mereka suka.
Sebaliknya, yang dilakukan Nabi adalah membatasi praktik poligami, mengkritik perilaku sewenang-wenang, dan menegaskan keharusan berlaku adil dalam berpoligami.
Ketika Nabi melihat sebagian sahabat telah mengawini delapan sampai sepuluh perempuan, mereka diminta menceraikan dan menyisakan hanya empat. Itulah yang dilakukan Nabi kepada Ghilan bin Salamah ats-Tsaqafi RA, Wahb al-Asadi, dan Qais bin al-Harits. Dan, inilah pernyataan eksplisit dalam pembatasan terhadap kebiasan poligami yang awalnya tanpa batas sama sekali.
Pada banyak kesempatan, Nabi justru lebih banyak menekankan prinsip keadilan berpoligami. Dalam sebuah ungkapan dinyatakan: "Barang siapa yang mengawini dua perempuan, sedangkan ia tidak bisa berbuat adil kepada keduanya, pada hari akhirat nanti separuh tubuhnya akan lepas dan terputus" (Jâmi' al-Ushûl, juz XII, 168, nomor hadis: 9049). Bahkan, dalam berbagai kesempatan, Nabi SAW menekankan pentingnya bersikap sabar dan menjaga perasaan istri.
Teks-teks hadis poligami sebenarnya mengarah kepada kritik, pelurusan, dan pengembalian pada prinsip keadilan. Dari sudut ini, pernyataan "poligami itu sunah" sangat bertentangan dengan apa yang disampaikan Nabi. Apalagi dengan melihat pernyataan dan sikap Nabi yang sangat tegas menolak poligami Ali bin Abi Thalib RA. Anehnya, teks hadis ini jarang dimunculkan kalangan propoligami. Padahal, teks ini diriwayatkan para ulama hadis terkemuka: Bukhari, Muslim, Turmudzi, dan Ibn Majah.
Nabi SAW marah besar ketika mendengar putri beliau, Fathimah binti Muhammad SAW, akan dipoligami Ali bin Abi Thalib RA. Ketika mendengar rencana itu, Nabi pun langsung masuk ke masjid dan naik mimbar, lalu berseru: "Beberapa keluarga Bani Hasyim bin al-Mughirah meminta izin kepadaku untuk mengawinkan putri mereka dengan Ali bin Abi Thalib. Ketahuilah, aku tidak akan mengizinkan, sekali lagi tidak akan mengizinkan. Sungguh tidak aku izinkan, kecuali Ali bin Abi Thalib menceraikan putriku, kupersilakan mengawini putri mereka. Ketahuilah, putriku itu bagian dariku; apa yang mengganggu perasaannya adalah menggangguku juga, apa yang menyakiti hatinya adalah menyakiti hatiku juga." (Jâmi' al-Ushûl, juz XII, 162, nomor hadis: 9026).
Sama dengan Nabi yang berbicara tentang Fathimah, hampir setiap orangtua tidak akan rela jika putrinya dimadu. Seperti dikatakan Nabi, poligami akan menyakiti hati perempuan, dan juga menyakiti hati orangtuanya.
Jika pernyataan Nabi ini dijadikan dasar, maka bisa dipastikan yang sunah justru adalah tidak mempraktikkan poligami karena itu yang tidak dikehendaki Nabi. Dan, Ali bin Abi Thalib RA sendiri tetap bermonogami sampai Fathimah RA wafat.
Poligami tak butuh dukungan teks
Sebenarnya, praktik poligami bukanlah persoalan teks, berkah, apalagi sunah, melainkan persoalan budaya. Dalam pemahaman budaya, praktik poligami dapat dilihat dari tingkatan sosial yang berbeda.
Bagi kalangan miskin atau petani dalam tradisi agraris, poligami dianggap sebagai strategi pertahanan hidup untuk penghematan pengelolaan sumber daya. Tanpa susah payah, lewat poligami akan diperoleh tenaga kerja ganda tanpa upah. Kultur ini dibawa migrasi ke kota meskipun stuktur masyarakat telah berubah. Sementara untuk kalangan priayi, poligami tak lain dari bentuk pembendamatian perempuan. Ia disepadankan dengan harta dan takhta yang berguna untuk mendukung penyempurnaan derajat sosial lelaki.
Dari cara pandang budaya memang menjadi jelas bahwa poligami merupakan proses dehumanisasi perempuan. Mengambil pandangan ahli pendidikan Freire, dehumanisasi dalam konteks poligami terlihat mana kala perempuan yang dipoligami mengalami self-depreciation. Mereka membenarkan, bahkan bersetuju dengan tindakan poligami meskipun mengalami penderitaan lahir batin luar biasa. Tak sedikit di antara mereka yang menganggap penderitaan itu adalah pengorbanan yang sudah sepatutnya dijalani, atau poligami itu terjadi karena kesalahannya sendiri.
Dalam kerangka demografi, para pelaku poligami kerap mengemukakan argumen statistik. Bahwa apa yang mereka lakukan hanyalah kerja bakti untuk menutupi kesenjangan jumlah penduduk yang tidak seimbang antara lelaki dan perempuan. Tentu saja argumen ini malah menjadi bahan tertawaan. Sebab, secara statistik, meskipun jumlah perempuan sedikit lebih tinggi, namun itu hanya terjadi pada usia di atas 65 tahun atau di bawah 20 tahun. Bahkan, di dalam kelompok umur 25-29 tahun, 30-34 tahun, dan 45-49 tahun jumlah lelaki lebih tinggi. (Sensus DKI dan Nasional tahun 2000; terima kasih kepada lembaga penelitian IHS yang telah memasok data ini).
Namun, jika argumen agama akan digunakan, maka sebagaimana prinsip yang dikandung dari teks-teks keagamaan itu, dasar poligami seharusnya dilihat sebagai jalan darurat. Dalam kaidah fikih, kedaruratan memang diperkenankan. Ini sama halnya dengan memakan bangkai; suatu tindakan yang dibenarkan manakala tidak ada yang lain yang bisa dimakan kecuali bangkai.
Dalam karakter fikih Islam, sebenarnya pilihan monogami atau poligami dianggap persoalan parsial. Predikat hukumnya akan mengikuti kondisi ruang dan waktu. Perilaku Nabi sendiri menunjukkan betapa persoalan ini bisa berbeda dan berubah dari satu kondisi ke kondisi lain. Karena itu, pilihan monogami-poligami bukanlah sesuatu yang prinsip. Yang prinsip adalah keharusan untuk selalu merujuk pada prinsip-prinsip dasar syariah, yaitu keadilan, membawa kemaslahatan dan tidak mendatangkan mudarat atau kerusakan (mafsadah).
Dan, manakala diterapkan, maka untuk mengidentifikasi nilai-nilai prinsipal dalam kaitannya dengan praktik poligami ini, semestinya perempuan diletakkan sebagai subyek penentu keadilan. Ini prinsip karena merekalah yang secara langsung menerima akibat poligami. Dan, untuk pengujian nilai-nilai ini haruslah dilakukan secara empiris, interdisipliner, dan obyektif dengan melihat efek poligami dalam realitas sosial masyarakat.
Dan, ketika ukuran itu diterapkan, sebagaimana disaksikan Muhammad Abduh, ternyata yang terjadi lebih banyak menghasilkan keburukan daripada kebaikan. Karena itulah Abduh kemudian meminta pelarangan poligami.
Dalam konteks ini, Abduh menyitir teks hadis Nabi SAW: "Tidak dibenarkan segala bentuk kerusakan (dharar) terhadap diri atau orang lain." (Jâmi'a al-Ushûl, VII, 412, nomor hadis: 4926). Ungkapan ini tentu lebih prinsip dari pernyataan "poligami itu sunah".
Faqihuddin Abdul Kodir
Dosen STAIN Cirebon dan peneliti Fahmina Institute Cirebon, Alumnus Fakultas
Syariah Universitas Damaskus, Suriah
Benarkah Poligami Sunah?
Faqihuddin Abdul Kodir
UNGKAPAN "poligami itu sunah" sering digunakan sebagai pembenaran poligami. Namun, berlindung pada pernyataan itu, sebenarnya bentuk lain dari pengalihan tanggung jawab atas tuntutan untuk berlaku adil karena pada kenyataannya, sebagaimana ditegaskan Al Quran, berlaku adil sangat sulit dilakukan (An-Nisa: 129).
DALIL "poligami adalah sunah" biasanya diajukan karena sandaran kepada teks ayat Al Quran (QS An-Nisa, 4: 2-3) lebih mudah dipatahkan. Satu-satunya ayat yang berbicara tentang poligami sebenarnya tidak mengungkapkan hal itu pada konteks memotivasi, apalagi mengapresiasi poligami. Ayat ini meletakkan poligami pada konteks perlindungan terhadap yatim piatu dan janda korban perang.
Dari kedua ayat itu, beberapa ulama kontemporer, seperti Syekh Muhammad Abduh, Syekh Rashid Ridha, dan Syekh Muhammad al-Madan-ketiganya ulama terkemuka Azhar Mesir-lebih memilih memperketat.
Lebih jauh Abduh menyatakan, poligami adalah penyimpangan dari relasi perkawinan yang wajar dan hanya dibenarkan secara syar'i dalam keadaan darurat sosial, seperti perang, dengan syarat tidak menimbulkan kerusakan dan kezaliman (Tafsir al-Manar, 4/287).
Anehnya, ayat tersebut bagi kalangan yang propoligami dipelintir menjadi "hak penuh" laki-laki untuk berpoligami. Dalih mereka, perbuatan itu untuk mengikuti sunah Nabi Muhammad SAW. Menjadi menggelikan ketika praktik poligami bahkan dipakai sebagai tolok ukur keislaman seseorang: semakin aktif berpoligami dianggap semakin baik poisisi keagamaannya. Atau, semakin bersabar seorang istri menerima permaduan, semakin baik kualitas imannya.
Slogan-slogan yang sering dimunculkan misalnya, "poligami membawa berkah", atau "poligami itu indah", dan yang lebih populer adalah "poligami itu sunah".
Dalam definisi fikih, sunah berarti tindakan yang baik untuk dilakukan. Umumnya mengacu kepada perilaku Nabi. Namun, amalan poligami, yang dinisbatkan kepada Nabi, ini jelas sangat distorsif. Alasannya, jika memang dianggap sunah, mengapa Nabi tidak melakukannya sejak pertama kali berumah tangga?
Nyatanya, sepanjang hayatnya, Nabi lebih lama bermonogami daripada berpoligami. Bayangkan, monogami dilakukan Nabi di tengah masyarakat yang menganggap poligami adalah lumrah. Rumah tangga Nabi SAW bersama istri tunggalnya, Khadijah binti Khuwalid RA, berlangsung selama 28 tahun. Baru kemudian, dua tahun sepeninggal Khadijah, Nabi berpoligami. Itu pun dijalani hanya sekitar delapan tahun dari sisa hidup beliau. Dari kalkulasi ini, sebenarnya tidak beralasan pernyataan "poligami itu sunah".
Sunah, seperti yang didefinisikan Imam Syafi'i (w. 204 H), adalah penerapan Nabi SAW terhadap wahyu yang diturunkan. Pada kasus poligami Nabi sedang mengejawantahkan Ayat An-Nisa 2-3 mengenai perlindungan terhadap janda mati dan anak-anak yatim. Dengan menelusuri kitab Jami' al-Ushul (kompilasi dari enam kitab hadis ternama) karya Imam Ibn al-Atsir (544-606H), kita dapat menemukan bukti bahwa poligami Nabi adalah media untuk menyelesaikan persoalan social saat itu, ketika lembaga sosial yang ada belum cukup kukuh untuk solusi.
Bukti bahwa perkawinan Nabi untuk penyelesaian problem sosial bisa dilihat pada teks-teks hadis yang membicarakan perkawinan-perkawinan Nabi. Kebanyakan dari mereka adalah janda mati,
kecuali Aisyah binti bu Bakr RA.
Selain itu, sebagai rekaman sejarah jurisprudensi Islam, ungkapan "poligami itu sunah" juga merupakan reduksi yang sangat besar. Nikah saja, menurut fikih, memiliki berbagai predikat hukum, tergantung kondisi calon suami, calon istri, atau kondisi masyarakatnya. Nikah bisa wajib, sunah, mubah (boleh), atau sekadar diizinkan. Bahkan, Imam al-Alusi dalam tafsirnya, Rûhal-Ma'âni, menyatakan, nikah bisa diharamkan ketika calon suami tahu dirinya tidak akan bisa memenuhi hak-hak istri, apalagi sampai menyakiti dan mencelakakannya. Demikian halnya dengan poligami. Karena itu, Muhammad Abduh dengan melihat kondisi Mesir saat itu, lebih memilih mengharamkan poligami.
Nabi dan larangan poligami
Dalam kitab Ibn al-Atsir, poligami yang dilakukan Nabi adalah upaya transformasi sosial (lihat pada Jâmi' al-Ushûl, juz XII, 108-179). Mekanisme poligami yang diterapkan Nabi merupakan strategi untuk meningkatkan kedudukan perempuan dalam tradisi feodal Arab pada abad ke-7 Masehi. Saat itu, nilai sosial seorang perempuan dan janda sedemikian rendah sehingga seorang laki-laki dapat beristri sebanyak mereka suka.
Sebaliknya, yang dilakukan Nabi adalah membatasi praktik poligami, mengkritik perilaku sewenang-wenang, dan menegaskan keharusan berlaku adil dalam berpoligami.
Ketika Nabi melihat sebagian sahabat telah mengawini delapan sampai sepuluh perempuan, mereka diminta menceraikan dan menyisakan hanya empat. Itulah yang dilakukan Nabi kepada Ghilan bin Salamah ats-Tsaqafi RA, Wahb al-Asadi, dan Qais bin al-Harits. Dan, inilah pernyataan eksplisit dalam pembatasan terhadap kebiasan poligami yang awalnya tanpa batas sama sekali.
Pada banyak kesempatan, Nabi justru lebih banyak menekankan prinsip keadilan berpoligami. Dalam sebuah ungkapan dinyatakan: "Barang siapa yang mengawini dua perempuan, sedangkan ia tidak bisa berbuat adil kepada keduanya, pada hari akhirat nanti separuh tubuhnya akan lepas dan terputus" (Jâmi' al-Ushûl, juz XII, 168, nomor hadis: 9049). Bahkan, dalam berbagai kesempatan, Nabi SAW menekankan pentingnya bersikap sabar dan menjaga perasaan istri.
Teks-teks hadis poligami sebenarnya mengarah kepada kritik, pelurusan, dan pengembalian pada prinsip keadilan. Dari sudut ini, pernyataan "poligami itu sunah" sangat bertentangan dengan apa yang disampaikan Nabi. Apalagi dengan melihat pernyataan dan sikap Nabi yang sangat tegas menolak poligami Ali bin Abi Thalib RA. Anehnya, teks hadis ini jarang dimunculkan kalangan propoligami. Padahal, teks ini diriwayatkan para ulama hadis terkemuka: Bukhari, Muslim, Turmudzi, dan Ibn Majah.
Nabi SAW marah besar ketika mendengar putri beliau, Fathimah binti Muhammad SAW, akan dipoligami Ali bin Abi Thalib RA. Ketika mendengar rencana itu, Nabi pun langsung masuk ke masjid dan naik mimbar, lalu berseru: "Beberapa keluarga Bani Hasyim bin al-Mughirah meminta izin kepadaku untuk mengawinkan putri mereka dengan Ali bin Abi Thalib. Ketahuilah, aku tidak akan mengizinkan, sekali lagi tidak akan mengizinkan. Sungguh tidak aku izinkan, kecuali Ali bin Abi Thalib menceraikan putriku, kupersilakan mengawini putri mereka. Ketahuilah, putriku itu bagian dariku; apa yang mengganggu perasaannya adalah menggangguku juga, apa yang menyakiti hatinya adalah menyakiti hatiku juga." (Jâmi' al-Ushûl, juz XII, 162, nomor hadis: 9026).
Sama dengan Nabi yang berbicara tentang Fathimah, hampir setiap orangtua tidak akan rela jika putrinya dimadu. Seperti dikatakan Nabi, poligami akan menyakiti hati perempuan, dan juga menyakiti hati orangtuanya.
Jika pernyataan Nabi ini dijadikan dasar, maka bisa dipastikan yang sunah justru adalah tidak mempraktikkan poligami karena itu yang tidak dikehendaki Nabi. Dan, Ali bin Abi Thalib RA sendiri tetap bermonogami sampai Fathimah RA wafat.
Poligami tak butuh dukungan teks
Sebenarnya, praktik poligami bukanlah persoalan teks, berkah, apalagi sunah, melainkan persoalan budaya. Dalam pemahaman budaya, praktik poligami dapat dilihat dari tingkatan sosial yang berbeda.
Bagi kalangan miskin atau petani dalam tradisi agraris, poligami dianggap sebagai strategi pertahanan hidup untuk penghematan pengelolaan sumber daya. Tanpa susah payah, lewat poligami akan diperoleh tenaga kerja ganda tanpa upah. Kultur ini dibawa migrasi ke kota meskipun stuktur masyarakat telah berubah. Sementara untuk kalangan priayi, poligami tak lain dari bentuk pembendamatian perempuan. Ia disepadankan dengan harta dan takhta yang berguna untuk mendukung penyempurnaan derajat sosial lelaki.
Dari cara pandang budaya memang menjadi jelas bahwa poligami merupakan proses dehumanisasi perempuan. Mengambil pandangan ahli pendidikan Freire, dehumanisasi dalam konteks poligami terlihat mana kala perempuan yang dipoligami mengalami self-depreciation. Mereka membenarkan, bahkan bersetuju dengan tindakan poligami meskipun mengalami penderitaan lahir batin luar biasa. Tak sedikit di antara mereka yang menganggap penderitaan itu adalah pengorbanan yang sudah sepatutnya dijalani, atau poligami itu terjadi karena kesalahannya sendiri.
Dalam kerangka demografi, para pelaku poligami kerap mengemukakan argumen statistik. Bahwa apa yang mereka lakukan hanyalah kerja bakti untuk menutupi kesenjangan jumlah penduduk yang tidak seimbang antara lelaki dan perempuan. Tentu saja argumen ini malah menjadi bahan tertawaan. Sebab, secara statistik, meskipun jumlah perempuan sedikit lebih tinggi, namun itu hanya terjadi pada usia di atas 65 tahun atau di bawah 20 tahun. Bahkan, di dalam kelompok umur 25-29 tahun, 30-34 tahun, dan 45-49 tahun jumlah lelaki lebih tinggi. (Sensus DKI dan Nasional tahun 2000; terima kasih kepada lembaga penelitian IHS yang telah memasok data ini).
Namun, jika argumen agama akan digunakan, maka sebagaimana prinsip yang dikandung dari teks-teks keagamaan itu, dasar poligami seharusnya dilihat sebagai jalan darurat. Dalam kaidah fikih, kedaruratan memang diperkenankan. Ini sama halnya dengan memakan bangkai; suatu tindakan yang dibenarkan manakala tidak ada yang lain yang bisa dimakan kecuali bangkai.
Dalam karakter fikih Islam, sebenarnya pilihan monogami atau poligami dianggap persoalan parsial. Predikat hukumnya akan mengikuti kondisi ruang dan waktu. Perilaku Nabi sendiri menunjukkan betapa persoalan ini bisa berbeda dan berubah dari satu kondisi ke kondisi lain. Karena itu, pilihan monogami-poligami bukanlah sesuatu yang prinsip. Yang prinsip adalah keharusan untuk selalu merujuk pada prinsip-prinsip dasar syariah, yaitu keadilan, membawa kemaslahatan dan tidak mendatangkan mudarat atau kerusakan (mafsadah).
Dan, manakala diterapkan, maka untuk mengidentifikasi nilai-nilai prinsipal dalam kaitannya dengan praktik poligami ini, semestinya perempuan diletakkan sebagai subyek penentu keadilan. Ini prinsip karena merekalah yang secara langsung menerima akibat poligami. Dan, untuk pengujian nilai-nilai ini haruslah dilakukan secara empiris, interdisipliner, dan obyektif dengan melihat efek poligami dalam realitas sosial masyarakat.
Dan, ketika ukuran itu diterapkan, sebagaimana disaksikan Muhammad Abduh, ternyata yang terjadi lebih banyak menghasilkan keburukan daripada kebaikan. Karena itulah Abduh kemudian meminta pelarangan poligami.
Dalam konteks ini, Abduh menyitir teks hadis Nabi SAW: "Tidak dibenarkan segala bentuk kerusakan (dharar) terhadap diri atau orang lain." (Jâmi'a al-Ushûl, VII, 412, nomor hadis: 4926). Ungkapan ini tentu lebih prinsip dari pernyataan "poligami itu sunah".
Faqihuddin Abdul Kodir
Dosen STAIN Cirebon dan peneliti Fahmina Institute Cirebon, Alumnus Fakultas
Syariah Universitas Damaskus, Suriah
Wednesday, June 7, 2006
Polygamy
I just want to emphazie what I have written here about this topic, polygamy, especially to respond the SELFISH guys thinking that polygamy is one way of life in Islam, moreover for SUNNAH RASUL.
this article is from http://www.submission.org/polygamy.html
Polygamy was a way of life until the Quran was revealed 1400 years ago. When the earth was young and under-populated, polygamy was one way of populating it and bringing in the human beings needed to carry out God's plan. By the time the Quran was revealed, the world had been sufficiently populated, and the Quran put down the first limitations against polygamy.
Polygamy is permitted in the Quran, but under strictly observed circumstances. Any abuse of this divine permission incurs severe retribution. Thus, although polygamy is permitted by God, it behooves us to examine our circumstances carefully before saying that a particular polygamous relationship is permissible.
Our perfect example here is the prophet Muhammad. He was married to one wife, Khadijah, until she died. He had all his children, except one, from Khadijah. Thus, she and her children enjoyed the Prophet's full attention for as long as she was married to him; twenty-five years. For all practical purposes, Muhammad had one wife - from the age of 25 to 50. During the remaining 13 years of his life, he married the aged widows of his friends who left many children. The children needed a complete home, with a fatherly figure, and the Prophet provided that. Providing a fatherly figure for orphans is the only specific circumstance in support of polygamy mentioned in the Quran (4:3).
Other than marrying widowed mothers of orphans, there were three political marriages in the Prophet's life. His close friends Abu Bakr and Omar insisted that he marry their daughters, Aisha and Hafsah, to establish traditional family ties among them. The third marriage was to Maria the Egyptian; she was given to him as a political gesture of friendship from the ruler of Egypt.
This perfect example tells us that a man must give his full attention and loyalty in marriage to his wife and children in order to raise a happy and wholesome family.
The Quran emphasizes the limitations against polygamy in very strong words:
"If you fear lest you may not be perfectly equitable in treating more than one wife, then you shall be content with one."
(4:3) "You cannot be equitable in a polygamous relationship, no matter how hard you try." (4:129)
The Quranic limitations against polygamy point out the possibility of abusing God's law. Therefore, unless we are absolutely sure that God's law will not be abused, we had better resist our lust and stay away from polygamy. If the circumstances do not dictate polygamy, we had better give our full attention to one wife and one set of children. The children's psychological and social well-being, especially in countries where polygamy is prohibited, almost invariably dictate monogamy. A few basic criteria must be observed in contemplating polygamy:
1. It must alleviate pain and suffering and not cause any pain or suffering.
2. If you have a young family, it is almost certain that polygamy is an abuse.
3. Polygamy to substitute a younger wife is an abuse of God's law (4:19).
So, when Ulama said that a wife's consent is not needed when the husband wants to get married again, please be careful that he is the LOST ULAMA. When the first wife disagrees, and the husband still insists, he will make the first wife hurt, and it is obviously seen to be WRONG.
this article is from http://www.submission.org/polygamy.html
Polygamy was a way of life until the Quran was revealed 1400 years ago. When the earth was young and under-populated, polygamy was one way of populating it and bringing in the human beings needed to carry out God's plan. By the time the Quran was revealed, the world had been sufficiently populated, and the Quran put down the first limitations against polygamy.
Polygamy is permitted in the Quran, but under strictly observed circumstances. Any abuse of this divine permission incurs severe retribution. Thus, although polygamy is permitted by God, it behooves us to examine our circumstances carefully before saying that a particular polygamous relationship is permissible.
Our perfect example here is the prophet Muhammad. He was married to one wife, Khadijah, until she died. He had all his children, except one, from Khadijah. Thus, she and her children enjoyed the Prophet's full attention for as long as she was married to him; twenty-five years. For all practical purposes, Muhammad had one wife - from the age of 25 to 50. During the remaining 13 years of his life, he married the aged widows of his friends who left many children. The children needed a complete home, with a fatherly figure, and the Prophet provided that. Providing a fatherly figure for orphans is the only specific circumstance in support of polygamy mentioned in the Quran (4:3).
Other than marrying widowed mothers of orphans, there were three political marriages in the Prophet's life. His close friends Abu Bakr and Omar insisted that he marry their daughters, Aisha and Hafsah, to establish traditional family ties among them. The third marriage was to Maria the Egyptian; she was given to him as a political gesture of friendship from the ruler of Egypt.
This perfect example tells us that a man must give his full attention and loyalty in marriage to his wife and children in order to raise a happy and wholesome family.
The Quran emphasizes the limitations against polygamy in very strong words:
"If you fear lest you may not be perfectly equitable in treating more than one wife, then you shall be content with one."
(4:3) "You cannot be equitable in a polygamous relationship, no matter how hard you try." (4:129)
The Quranic limitations against polygamy point out the possibility of abusing God's law. Therefore, unless we are absolutely sure that God's law will not be abused, we had better resist our lust and stay away from polygamy. If the circumstances do not dictate polygamy, we had better give our full attention to one wife and one set of children. The children's psychological and social well-being, especially in countries where polygamy is prohibited, almost invariably dictate monogamy. A few basic criteria must be observed in contemplating polygamy:
1. It must alleviate pain and suffering and not cause any pain or suffering.
2. If you have a young family, it is almost certain that polygamy is an abuse.
3. Polygamy to substitute a younger wife is an abuse of God's law (4:19).
So, when Ulama said that a wife's consent is not needed when the husband wants to get married again, please be careful that he is the LOST ULAMA. When the first wife disagrees, and the husband still insists, he will make the first wife hurt, and it is obviously seen to be WRONG.
Tuesday, June 6, 2006
Sucking People
This morning, my sister told me about her workmate whose husband wants to get married again (with silly reason to avoid doing adultery coz he has fallen in love with another woman!) This woman sounded very annoyed but couldn't complain coz she has been indoctrinated that a wife cannot prohibit the husband to be polygamous. "How could I prohibit him to do that if in the Al-Quran itself God stated that it is okay for men to have two, three, or four wives? Will I be sinful to prohibit my husband to get married again?"
I heaved a very deep breath when my sister told me about that. A pain attacked my heart.
And just now, I found a blogsite that I believe belong to an Indonesian person. One conspicous post I found there was about polygamy. He wrote that a woman doesn't have any right to prohibit the husband to get married again.
Those sucking people ...
How could they interpret the verses in Al-Quran as what they like (read only to give special privileges to men?) Why didn't they interpret it for everybody's fair privileges (both men and women).
Oh goodness, in this 21st century, there are still many selfish men in Muslim regions don't want to THINK by using everybody's common sense (not only for their own benefit).
I hate it. I hate it, I REALLY HATE IT.
(FYI, the blogger didn't give a chance to the blog readers to give comments. Coward!)
I heaved a very deep breath when my sister told me about that. A pain attacked my heart.
And just now, I found a blogsite that I believe belong to an Indonesian person. One conspicous post I found there was about polygamy. He wrote that a woman doesn't have any right to prohibit the husband to get married again.
Those sucking people ...
How could they interpret the verses in Al-Quran as what they like (read only to give special privileges to men?) Why didn't they interpret it for everybody's fair privileges (both men and women).
Oh goodness, in this 21st century, there are still many selfish men in Muslim regions don't want to THINK by using everybody's common sense (not only for their own benefit).
I hate it. I hate it, I REALLY HATE IT.
(FYI, the blogger didn't give a chance to the blog readers to give comments. Coward!)
Wednesday, May 24, 2006
Polygamy (again)
Luckily these past a few days, Indonesian people have been "entertained" by one drama done by Bambang Trihatmojo's family on this polygamy thing. His first wife and also the children did some damage to the dwelling of Mayangsari, the second wife of Bambang. (Well, so far, we ONLY know Mayang as the second wife, who knows in fact he has many other wives unknown by media? LOL. Look at Tommy's case for another example.)
Actually I am not the type of infotainment audience who is hungry for any gossip from celebrities. Not at all. However, coz since last week, I have been bothered by the plan of Puspo Wardoyo to launch tabloid named POLIGAMI, the drama of Bambang Tri's family really attracted me.
Who gets the benefit from this practice?
First, the asshole guy who thinks that to have one wife is not enough, to have one living blanket is not enough, so that he needs to have another one.
Second, probably the second wife. Many reasons behind this. Perhaps the main reason is MONEY (Note: if the guy is wealthy, such as Bambang Tri). STATUS is the following reason. (Referring to the fact that in Indonesia, people still stick to the consensus that to be happy is to get married. FAIRY TALE BANGET!!!) Also, you will be considered NOT SOLD OUT if you live single, moreover for those above thirty years old. For not confident women, they will choose to be the second wife, instead of being besieged by unempathical question, "When will you get married?"
As it happened some time ago in Indonesia, a woman was willing to be the nth wife of a famous singer, I concluded that WANTS TO BE FAMOUS can be the next reason. By being famous, this woman expects to be hired as a movie star, a model, etc.
Third, probably the first wife. I imagine if this wife no longer loves the husband so she feels disgusted to "serve" him in bed, so that she lets her husband have another wife. Probably, she then enjoys herself with her boyfriend. :D or she just enjoys the money from the husband, doing traveling around the world, shopping to her heart's content, etc.
HOWEVER, from the case of Bambang Tri's case, we can conclude that the ones who get this benefit are Bambang himself and Mayang. The attack done by Halimah and her children showed that she didn't let her husband share his love, care, perhaps including MONEY with another woman.
Although in Al-Quran, in Surah An-Nisa it is stated that a man can have more than one wife (up to four), the hurt in Halimah's heart shows that what Bambang Tri has done can be considered as SIN, coz it is obviously seen that he cannot be fair. In the same Surah, it is also stated the main requirement for this polygamy doer: MUST BE FAIR (ADIL!) Adil in this case means that no one will get hurt, everybody is happy with that.
So, again, I stick to my principle: THOSE PEOPLE WHO SAY THAT POLYGAMY IS SIMILAR TO SUNNAH RASUL ARE ONLY HEARTLESS CREATURE. Well, in fact I don't want to judge, but who knows in God's eyes The Most Merciful, hurting the wife's heart is also a SIN. (well, although I always think that being sinful or not is not human being's authority to decide, but it exclusively belongs to God the Almighty.)
My pray:
God, I want to see with my very own eyes those who have done violence to women, physically, psychologically, mentally, will get the most severe punishment from YOU, in this world. Amin.
Actually I am not the type of infotainment audience who is hungry for any gossip from celebrities. Not at all. However, coz since last week, I have been bothered by the plan of Puspo Wardoyo to launch tabloid named POLIGAMI, the drama of Bambang Tri's family really attracted me.
Who gets the benefit from this practice?
First, the asshole guy who thinks that to have one wife is not enough, to have one living blanket is not enough, so that he needs to have another one.
Second, probably the second wife. Many reasons behind this. Perhaps the main reason is MONEY (Note: if the guy is wealthy, such as Bambang Tri). STATUS is the following reason. (Referring to the fact that in Indonesia, people still stick to the consensus that to be happy is to get married. FAIRY TALE BANGET!!!) Also, you will be considered NOT SOLD OUT if you live single, moreover for those above thirty years old. For not confident women, they will choose to be the second wife, instead of being besieged by unempathical question, "When will you get married?"
As it happened some time ago in Indonesia, a woman was willing to be the nth wife of a famous singer, I concluded that WANTS TO BE FAMOUS can be the next reason. By being famous, this woman expects to be hired as a movie star, a model, etc.
Third, probably the first wife. I imagine if this wife no longer loves the husband so she feels disgusted to "serve" him in bed, so that she lets her husband have another wife. Probably, she then enjoys herself with her boyfriend. :D or she just enjoys the money from the husband, doing traveling around the world, shopping to her heart's content, etc.
HOWEVER, from the case of Bambang Tri's case, we can conclude that the ones who get this benefit are Bambang himself and Mayang. The attack done by Halimah and her children showed that she didn't let her husband share his love, care, perhaps including MONEY with another woman.
Although in Al-Quran, in Surah An-Nisa it is stated that a man can have more than one wife (up to four), the hurt in Halimah's heart shows that what Bambang Tri has done can be considered as SIN, coz it is obviously seen that he cannot be fair. In the same Surah, it is also stated the main requirement for this polygamy doer: MUST BE FAIR (ADIL!) Adil in this case means that no one will get hurt, everybody is happy with that.
So, again, I stick to my principle: THOSE PEOPLE WHO SAY THAT POLYGAMY IS SIMILAR TO SUNNAH RASUL ARE ONLY HEARTLESS CREATURE. Well, in fact I don't want to judge, but who knows in God's eyes The Most Merciful, hurting the wife's heart is also a SIN. (well, although I always think that being sinful or not is not human being's authority to decide, but it exclusively belongs to God the Almighty.)
My pray:
God, I want to see with my very own eyes those who have done violence to women, physically, psychologically, mentally, will get the most severe punishment from YOU, in this world. Amin.
Friday, May 19, 2006
Polygamy = Sunnah Rasul?
One thing that always makes me upset and angry with this polygamy thing is that those irresponsible men say that it is SUNNAH RASUL. Sunnah means if Muslim people do it, they will get reward from God; if they don’t do it, they will not get punishment.
They only see that Prophet Muhammad had more than one wife, without acknowledging that Muhammad did it not for sexual satisfaction, but to spread Islam to other ethnic groups during that era, and since his wives came from different ethnic groups, it was expected that there would be no war among those ethnic groups. Irresponsible Muslim people forget that Muhammad did it after his first wife, Khadijah, passed away. During Muhammad’s marriage to Khadijah for 15 years, he didn’t practice polygamy. He got married again under God’s command. His disapproval for Ali—his son-in-law who married Muhammad’s daughter, Fatimah—to get married again showed that in fact Muhammad himself saw the injustice of polygamy. He said to Ali, “If you marry another woman, it means you will hurt Fatimah, my daughter. Anybody who hurt my daughter, it means he also hurts me.” This stopped Ali to do what he wanted.
And what I see from those irresponsible Muslim men who practice polygamy or polygyny (having more than one wife) of course is much different from what Prophet Muhammad did. Recently (or outside of Muhammad’s era) Muslim men have more than one wife for their sexual satisfaction only. They believe that they were created in this world to have a higher libido than women and one wife is not enough for them.
Once I read an article in local newspaper stating what Puspo Wardoyo said (FYI, Puspo Wardoyo is the one who will launch POLYGAMY tabloid in Indonesia, he has four wives to my knowledge, and some years ago, he had a very embarrassing event called POLYGAMY AWARD: a competition for men who have more than one wife.) In the article, Puspo abusively said, “Practicing polygamy is only a matter of how strong you are to move your hip!” Didn’t he just put women in the lowest degree? Only as sexual object? So where is the SUNNAH RASUL???
I AM NOT VEGETATIVE
I don’t believe
Women were created from men’s rib
--we are not vegetative--
even if yes
women can still be proud
not to be taken from other part of men’s body
to be oppressed
--we are not vegetative—
Perhaps God has never asked women
Whether we are willing to be vegetation
So that God knows
That we also can make a choice
In this life
Not just to vote
In the General Election day
Not just to choose
Which spices to use to cook
Not just to choose
Which shirt for husband to wear
Not just to choose
Babies’ diapers
Not just to choose
The color of lipstick
Not just to choose
To be quiet
Ask women what we want
We can answer
We can make a choice
They only see that Prophet Muhammad had more than one wife, without acknowledging that Muhammad did it not for sexual satisfaction, but to spread Islam to other ethnic groups during that era, and since his wives came from different ethnic groups, it was expected that there would be no war among those ethnic groups. Irresponsible Muslim people forget that Muhammad did it after his first wife, Khadijah, passed away. During Muhammad’s marriage to Khadijah for 15 years, he didn’t practice polygamy. He got married again under God’s command. His disapproval for Ali—his son-in-law who married Muhammad’s daughter, Fatimah—to get married again showed that in fact Muhammad himself saw the injustice of polygamy. He said to Ali, “If you marry another woman, it means you will hurt Fatimah, my daughter. Anybody who hurt my daughter, it means he also hurts me.” This stopped Ali to do what he wanted.
And what I see from those irresponsible Muslim men who practice polygamy or polygyny (having more than one wife) of course is much different from what Prophet Muhammad did. Recently (or outside of Muhammad’s era) Muslim men have more than one wife for their sexual satisfaction only. They believe that they were created in this world to have a higher libido than women and one wife is not enough for them.
Once I read an article in local newspaper stating what Puspo Wardoyo said (FYI, Puspo Wardoyo is the one who will launch POLYGAMY tabloid in Indonesia, he has four wives to my knowledge, and some years ago, he had a very embarrassing event called POLYGAMY AWARD: a competition for men who have more than one wife.) In the article, Puspo abusively said, “Practicing polygamy is only a matter of how strong you are to move your hip!” Didn’t he just put women in the lowest degree? Only as sexual object? So where is the SUNNAH RASUL???
I AM NOT VEGETATIVE
I don’t believe
Women were created from men’s rib
--we are not vegetative--
even if yes
women can still be proud
not to be taken from other part of men’s body
to be oppressed
--we are not vegetative—
Perhaps God has never asked women
Whether we are willing to be vegetation
So that God knows
That we also can make a choice
In this life
Not just to vote
In the General Election day
Not just to choose
Which spices to use to cook
Not just to choose
Which shirt for husband to wear
Not just to choose
Babies’ diapers
Not just to choose
The color of lipstick
Not just to choose
To be quiet
Ask women what we want
We can answer
We can make a choice
(I got the above poem from Jurnal Perempuan number 32, I translated it into English)
If only those Ulama give women rights to say what we want in this life, we will not let those irresponsible men to see us only as sexual objects!!!
PT56 11.19 190506
PT56 11.19 190506
Two women in Polygamy
Talking about polygamy, I remember two women I know. One of them is an old friend of mine. We used to go to the same junior high school. The other one, I just knew her some months ago virtually.
My old friend, T, divorced her first husband who worked as a seaman in 2000. I don’t really know the main reason why she did it. She just told me that her first husband was a sex maniac. When he was at home (two months every year—he spent 10 months a year at sea), She told me that her husband asked her to serve him in bed for more than 10 times a night, without caring whether his wife, T, enjoyed it or not. One risk to be a woman—your body no longer belongs to you after you get married—is a popular belief in my country. T couldn’t refuse her husband of course due to that belief. Probably traumatic coz of something, T told me she never enjoyed having sex.
Some years later, T told me that she had married another man. She said she “got trapped” by his pathetic story—that he was only an unhappy man with an authoritarian wife; controlling him now and again; and he also promised her to divorce his first wife as soon as they got married. The reality? Five years has passed and my friend is still looking forward to the time when his half-time husband divorces the first wife. My friend doesn’t have a steady job but she can earn enough money from doing some business—such as selling clothes, making some cookies and then selling them, etc. One thing she told me why she remarried—she needed to have a status. FYI, in Indonesia, to be married for women especially is a highly appreciated status more than single status, moreover a widow/divorcee. Besides that, she also always dreams to involve herself with some womanly activities done by wives at their husbands’ office. Unfortunately she cannot do it coz she didn’t marry her second husband lawfully—using the country law. They got married only using religion’s law. It means that my friend doesn’t get legal document from the country to show that she is married.
Right now, my friend lives in Semarang, my hometown, with her two children from her first husband. Her second husband is infertile so that she cannot have babies from him. Her husband lives in Jakarta with his first wife and the children she got from her first husband. My friend graduated from senior high school only, showing that she is not really well-educated. NOTE: being not well-educated, she is easily made to be “blind” when Ulama (Islamic scholar) says that men are allowed to have more than one wife by citing Surah An-Nisa number 3 in Al-Quran, forgetting that there is the MAIN REQUIREMENT to have more than one wife, that is to treat and love the wives fairly. Still in the same Surah, it is also stated that human beings will not be able to be fair. This is taken by many feministic (or humanist) Ulama to say that polygamy is not allowed in Islam.
The second woman, S, has a bit similar experience. I myself never meet her in person yet. One thing that made me not understand why she was willing to be the second wife is that she graduated from a Master’s Degree. She is supposed to be able to use her common sense (well, of course this is only my point of view) that in practice of polygamy (especially polygyny) women always become victims. She lives in a different city from her part-time husband.
She lives with her only son (from her first husband) in Yogyakarta, while her husband lives in Jakarta with his first wife and their child.
Since the first time she told me that she is the second wife of a man—that I dubbed as a player coz he often has affair with other women outside the marriage—I have never understood what made her marry him.
Status? In her friendster profile, she wrote that she is single. In her blog, once in a while she wrote in her posts of looking for a husband who loves God first and loves her second. (Reading her post made me question myself, what number she is in her part-time husband’s priority, coz he has one wife and one kid from this first wife. LOL) Of course not “married” status she was looking for when marrying her part-time husband.
Money? She has got a steady job so I believe that she is financially secure. Her income is more than enough to provide for herself and her only son.
Companionship? What kind of companionship does she get from such a relationship? Only by phone is enough? Yogyakarta-Jakarta needs around two hours by plane, remembering that Jakarta is the city always full with traffic jam problem that will take him some hours to come to the airport to go to Yogyakarta.
Love? How sure is she that her part-time husband loves her knowing that he also has some affairs with other women outside marriage? That kind of man really underestimates women, doesn’t it? Even, to one of those women he dated, this irresponsible man “killed” this second wife by saying, “Oh, my girlfriend died in a car accident some years ago.”
I still don’t get any idea what made this woman marry this rubbish man. Blind love? She has been blinded by her love to this man so that she cannot think clearly?
PT56 11.20 180605
My old friend, T, divorced her first husband who worked as a seaman in 2000. I don’t really know the main reason why she did it. She just told me that her first husband was a sex maniac. When he was at home (two months every year—he spent 10 months a year at sea), She told me that her husband asked her to serve him in bed for more than 10 times a night, without caring whether his wife, T, enjoyed it or not. One risk to be a woman—your body no longer belongs to you after you get married—is a popular belief in my country. T couldn’t refuse her husband of course due to that belief. Probably traumatic coz of something, T told me she never enjoyed having sex.
Some years later, T told me that she had married another man. She said she “got trapped” by his pathetic story—that he was only an unhappy man with an authoritarian wife; controlling him now and again; and he also promised her to divorce his first wife as soon as they got married. The reality? Five years has passed and my friend is still looking forward to the time when his half-time husband divorces the first wife. My friend doesn’t have a steady job but she can earn enough money from doing some business—such as selling clothes, making some cookies and then selling them, etc. One thing she told me why she remarried—she needed to have a status. FYI, in Indonesia, to be married for women especially is a highly appreciated status more than single status, moreover a widow/divorcee. Besides that, she also always dreams to involve herself with some womanly activities done by wives at their husbands’ office. Unfortunately she cannot do it coz she didn’t marry her second husband lawfully—using the country law. They got married only using religion’s law. It means that my friend doesn’t get legal document from the country to show that she is married.
Right now, my friend lives in Semarang, my hometown, with her two children from her first husband. Her second husband is infertile so that she cannot have babies from him. Her husband lives in Jakarta with his first wife and the children she got from her first husband. My friend graduated from senior high school only, showing that she is not really well-educated. NOTE: being not well-educated, she is easily made to be “blind” when Ulama (Islamic scholar) says that men are allowed to have more than one wife by citing Surah An-Nisa number 3 in Al-Quran, forgetting that there is the MAIN REQUIREMENT to have more than one wife, that is to treat and love the wives fairly. Still in the same Surah, it is also stated that human beings will not be able to be fair. This is taken by many feministic (or humanist) Ulama to say that polygamy is not allowed in Islam.
The second woman, S, has a bit similar experience. I myself never meet her in person yet. One thing that made me not understand why she was willing to be the second wife is that she graduated from a Master’s Degree. She is supposed to be able to use her common sense (well, of course this is only my point of view) that in practice of polygamy (especially polygyny) women always become victims. She lives in a different city from her part-time husband.
She lives with her only son (from her first husband) in Yogyakarta, while her husband lives in Jakarta with his first wife and their child.
Since the first time she told me that she is the second wife of a man—that I dubbed as a player coz he often has affair with other women outside the marriage—I have never understood what made her marry him.
Status? In her friendster profile, she wrote that she is single. In her blog, once in a while she wrote in her posts of looking for a husband who loves God first and loves her second. (Reading her post made me question myself, what number she is in her part-time husband’s priority, coz he has one wife and one kid from this first wife. LOL) Of course not “married” status she was looking for when marrying her part-time husband.
Money? She has got a steady job so I believe that she is financially secure. Her income is more than enough to provide for herself and her only son.
Companionship? What kind of companionship does she get from such a relationship? Only by phone is enough? Yogyakarta-Jakarta needs around two hours by plane, remembering that Jakarta is the city always full with traffic jam problem that will take him some hours to come to the airport to go to Yogyakarta.
Love? How sure is she that her part-time husband loves her knowing that he also has some affairs with other women outside marriage? That kind of man really underestimates women, doesn’t it? Even, to one of those women he dated, this irresponsible man “killed” this second wife by saying, “Oh, my girlfriend died in a car accident some years ago.”
I still don’t get any idea what made this woman marry this rubbish man. Blind love? She has been blinded by her love to this man so that she cannot think clearly?
PT56 11.20 180605
Wednesday, May 17, 2006
About Polygamy
Some months ago, a male workmate of mine said, related to the issue of poligamy, "I am wondering why women object to their husband's having the second, third, or fourth wives. Don't they realize that we, men, want to reduce their burden? To do household chores, to take care of children, and absolutely, to serve us, men, as their husbands. Isn't poligamy a good policy to help women?"
I commented coolly, "Sir, we, women, also want to help your burden to earn money to support the household. There is the most practical way to do it. Let us find another husband. By having two breadwinners in the family, it will really reduce your burden, right? You don't need to work hard only to buy us a big house, a luxurious car, furniture, bla bla bla ..."
My female workmates appaluded me. LOL. That particular male workmate, who proposed the idea to 'reduce burden' just smiled annoyedly. LOL. The other male workmates didn't give any comment.
Some time later, a male workmate said, "Are you sure that you are 'strong' enough to serve your husbands in bed?
I responded, "Have you ever heard 'obat kuat' for women? Not yet, right? It is always for men. Why? Because, we women, are strong enough..." LOL.
So, guys, don't be selfish to create any reason to propose poligamy. We all know, in this 21st century, men do poligamy only to celebrate their libido, very different from the time when Prophet Muhammad lived. Okay?
P.S: If you know about viagra for women produced recently, it is not to improve the power of women when having sex, but it is used to help women to reach their orgasm. It means that not all men can make their sex partners always reach the climax. Mostly it is because men are selfish to think of their own satisfaction and not their partners.
I commented coolly, "Sir, we, women, also want to help your burden to earn money to support the household. There is the most practical way to do it. Let us find another husband. By having two breadwinners in the family, it will really reduce your burden, right? You don't need to work hard only to buy us a big house, a luxurious car, furniture, bla bla bla ..."
My female workmates appaluded me. LOL. That particular male workmate, who proposed the idea to 'reduce burden' just smiled annoyedly. LOL. The other male workmates didn't give any comment.
Some time later, a male workmate said, "Are you sure that you are 'strong' enough to serve your husbands in bed?
I responded, "Have you ever heard 'obat kuat' for women? Not yet, right? It is always for men. Why? Because, we women, are strong enough..." LOL.
So, guys, don't be selfish to create any reason to propose poligamy. We all know, in this 21st century, men do poligamy only to celebrate their libido, very different from the time when Prophet Muhammad lived. Okay?
P.S: If you know about viagra for women produced recently, it is not to improve the power of women when having sex, but it is used to help women to reach their orgasm. It means that not all men can make their sex partners always reach the climax. Mostly it is because men are selfish to think of their own satisfaction and not their partners.
Tentang Poligami
Untuk ikut menyikapi akan diterbitkannya tabloid Ppoligami, yang di mata kaum feminis--saya juga termasuk--adalah upaya pembodohan masal terhadap orang Indonesia, saya tulis ini.
Berikut adalah cuplikan wawancara antara Jurnal Perempuan dan M. Hilaly Basya (dalam Jurnal Perempuan no 31 "Menimbang Poligami", halaman 110, terbit bulan Oktober 2003)
(JP) : Isu perempuan dalam wacana Islam yang sedang mencuat adalah tentang poligami. Bagaimanakah sebetulnya teks poligami dalam Al-Qur'an?
(HB) : Teks harus selalu dikaitkan dengan konteks. Sebab teks selalu dilahirkan oleh konteksnya, yang menjadi pertanyaan adalah mengapa teksnya berbunyi seperti tiu. Ayat yang bicara soal poligami dan biasanya dijadikan landasan adalah surat An-Nisa ayat 3. Di dalamnya menyinggung tentang nikahilah perempuan yang kamu sukai, dua, tiga, atau empat. Tetapi kalau kamu takut tidak berlaku yang ada yaitu keadaan dimana mereka berpolimgai tanpa batas. seperti yang dilakukan para sahabat Nabi, paling banyak 10 istri. Bahkan ketika ayat itu turun, nabi sendiriistrinya sudah 11. Luar biasa, dan teks itu muncul untuk membuat sindiran kepada realitas tersebut. Maka bukan sama sekali diartikan bahwa agama menyuruh untuk poligami, tetapi yang terjadi agama sedang memotret realitas, dan kemudian sindiran itu keluar di ujung ayat tersebut yang berbunyi: "kalau kamu tidak bisa berlaku adil, ya satu saja." Bahkan kemudian di surat yang sama ayat 129 ditegaskan lagi, "kalau kamu ingin berlaku adil, kamu tidak akan bisa." Sebetulnya kata-kata ini merupakan inti sindiran yang menegaskan realitas poligami. Dari sini saya melihat poligami dalam teks sebenarnya tidak memiliki pembenaran, baik dari justifikasi maupun legitimasi teologisnya.
Berikut adalah cuplikan wawancara antara Jurnal Perempuan dan M. Hilaly Basya (dalam Jurnal Perempuan no 31 "Menimbang Poligami", halaman 110, terbit bulan Oktober 2003)
(JP) : Isu perempuan dalam wacana Islam yang sedang mencuat adalah tentang poligami. Bagaimanakah sebetulnya teks poligami dalam Al-Qur'an?
(HB) : Teks harus selalu dikaitkan dengan konteks. Sebab teks selalu dilahirkan oleh konteksnya, yang menjadi pertanyaan adalah mengapa teksnya berbunyi seperti tiu. Ayat yang bicara soal poligami dan biasanya dijadikan landasan adalah surat An-Nisa ayat 3. Di dalamnya menyinggung tentang nikahilah perempuan yang kamu sukai, dua, tiga, atau empat. Tetapi kalau kamu takut tidak berlaku yang ada yaitu keadaan dimana mereka berpolimgai tanpa batas. seperti yang dilakukan para sahabat Nabi, paling banyak 10 istri. Bahkan ketika ayat itu turun, nabi sendiriistrinya sudah 11. Luar biasa, dan teks itu muncul untuk membuat sindiran kepada realitas tersebut. Maka bukan sama sekali diartikan bahwa agama menyuruh untuk poligami, tetapi yang terjadi agama sedang memotret realitas, dan kemudian sindiran itu keluar di ujung ayat tersebut yang berbunyi: "kalau kamu tidak bisa berlaku adil, ya satu saja." Bahkan kemudian di surat yang sama ayat 129 ditegaskan lagi, "kalau kamu ingin berlaku adil, kamu tidak akan bisa." Sebetulnya kata-kata ini merupakan inti sindiran yang menegaskan realitas poligami. Dari sini saya melihat poligami dalam teks sebenarnya tidak memiliki pembenaran, baik dari justifikasi maupun legitimasi teologisnya.
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