Well ... well ...

I found it very funny when out of the blue I got some emails or poems or notes -- some from people I never know, some from people I know online -- that I guess the senders wanted to 'preach' on spiritual things; more exactly, from a so-called 'abrahamic' religion which was obviously not the one I (once) adhered to.

I am of opinion that they have visited my blogs or notes on FB about my spiritual journey where I sound like to be a non-believer. If I relate it to one movie I watched "SAVED!", perhaps those guys/girls wanted to save me from my being in (perhaps they were thinking that I was) limbo? Since I sound no longer (100%) believe in the religion forced to me when I was a kid?

I really really found it RIDICULOUS. But, anyway, that was a nice try, pal! I never read those emails -- that apparently for me just JUNK MAILS -- because I directly deleted them.

love and light for everyone,
Nana Podungge
~ label herself as a little devil ~

Agnosticsm

How can we know if there is something we call 'God'?

The second topic to discuss in my religion class was God's existence. The material to be discussed was from God. As you can see in the website, the discussion on whether God exists or not was viewed from Christianity. One student said that her parents taught her to believe in Jesus. She said that at the beginning, she believed in it only because her parents taught her so. However, recently, she said she believes in it wholeheartedly that only in Christianity she feels saved.

Below is a summary written by one student of mine.

In many cultures and religions, God is mentioned many times. God seems to be the entire reason a religion is made. There also many different representation of gods. He has become quite an important figure in the spiritual world.

In the scientific world, however, God's existence is challenged by the requirement of proof. Not many people can claim God does exist just by saying He should. The scientific way of truth is based on disproving lies and proving true physical claims, but cannot see spirituality.

It should be noted that in this world, much more people will believe something that has been proven physically, someone cannot claim a man with double joints once existed without proof.

That is the weakness of religions:: no proof. Therefore, God's existence cannot be truly proven. That is why I say I am slightly agnostic, I am not sure whether he exists.

Does he exist or not? Why doesn't he show himself literally to the entire world? Why the secret? Is he real? Why are there many of him? Too many questions, aren't there? Those are mine. If they all can be answered, I'll choose to be Christian, or atheist, or whatever comes to my mind, although then again, I am too lazy to do much.

When seeing the background of his spiritual life, although only a little -- his mother never seriously teaches him about religions. He claims he reads scientific books and not religious ones. Perhaps as this academic year goes on, I will be able to dig more about him. :)

I am absolutely on the contrary from him. My childhood was full of religious teachings, reciting Alquran, memorizing hadith, learning fiqh, etc. I must say that the teachings I got were very patriarchal; that is why as a child, in fact I got a bit hurt to learn that women were the weaker sex in the so-called truest religion, the most perfect one. My life experience as one victim in patriarchal society, combined with my spiritual experience, plus the readings I chose to read as an adult made me somewhat agnostic.

PT28 20.10 090810

Nosy Workmates

How do you behave towards your workmates?

Well, I believe some (or maybe many) people have workmates as their good (or even best) friends. The easily seen reason is because we meet them everyday (or five till six days a week) so that they easily find ‘click’ among them.

Recently I rarely have such an experience. (If you refer to my post entitled ‘happiness’ where I wrote some special people who have colored my life, I mentioned some good friends, such as Ekani, Juli, Merry and Detta. I used to work with the first three girls in the same place, in one uni. Detta used to work in the English course where I have been working since 1996.) However, recently I don’t have workmates who are my best friends. Those from the English course are friendly, nice, and sweet although I choose to behave ‘my business is mine, yours is yours.” However, I will lend my ears if anyone of them wants to confide in me.

But when talking about workmates I have in my other workplace, I have different stories. I am new in this office. (I started working there last academic year.) My ‘multiple personalities disorder’ made my aloof character exposed since the very beginning I worked there. The mere reason was just I was new, and I had to find out first what kinds of characteristics my workmates had. Absolutely it was okay for me since this was also me, the aloof Nana. (FYI, my other personality is the happy-go-lucky cyclist.)

A year has passed. I am still the same aloof Nana. You can guess why. I mind my own business; I NEVER mind anybody else’s business. I do my best for my job (so I thought), transferring knowledge I store in my brain with students, build a conducive atmosphere in the classrooms so that students easily get the lesson I give.

So what do you think I should do when out of the blue two workmates shockingly comments on the red lipstick I put on my lips everyday? What’s wrong with that? (I easily guess some nosy and fussy workmates speak behind me.)

What do you think I should do when out of the blue a workmate thinks I am too isolated from the others because I am busy doing bla bla bla => a very heartless and nosy accusation. (I even don’t have a heart to write it here. Just relate it with my being single-parent.)
I do wish I could punch her nose and kick her ass!!!

PT56 19.58 151109

Nana Podungge on the Jakarta Globe

http://thejakartaglobe.com/lifeandtimes/blogging-in-english/313712

by Michelle Udem

Blogging In English
Michael Jubel Hutagalung, a Web designer based in Bandung, West Java, started Jubel and the Unessential, an English-language blog, primarily to improve his written English. The blog offers Hutagalung’s random musings on Indonesia’s politics and culture.

Within a year of Hutagalung starting the blog in October 2007, the traffic to the site was so high that it was exceeding the bandwidth limit on the platform he was using, and he had to move his blog to another host. The traffic explosion, mostly from Indonesians living abroad, gave him an incentive to do more than just improve his English skills.

“I want to tell the world what Indonesia’s really like — how the people really live,” Hutagalung said. But readers may not always get much on how Indonesians are living on an up-to-the-minute basis, or even about the day-to-day concerns of his countrymen.

Hutagalung last posted on Monday, after a two-month hiatus, filling readers in on his university plans and his personal debate in choosing between studying in London or the Netherlands.

The total number of Indonesian bloggers is difficult to quantify due to the constant deletion and activation of blog accounts. A top Indonesian-language blogger and internet publisher, Enda Nasution, says that Indonesia has about one million bloggers, based on blogger.com information, Wordpress information and blogs hosted personally — there are about 20 blogging communities in Indonesia, one in ever major city.

For Indonesians blogging in English, many are simply interested in trying to reach an audience beyond their own country and to give a perspective not available in the foreign media. Out of the 10 bloggers listed here, seven do not have a degree in English, nor have they studied abroad.

Budi Putra, a freelance writer and full-time, self-employed blogger living in Bintaro, South Jakarta, writes in English about new gadgets from an Indonesian perspective. Though many of his topics involve global technology news, he feels he provides a unique perspective as an Indonesian.

“My main demographic is both Indonesians and foreigners, especially those who love technology and digital life issues … Blogging is about conversation, so I want to talk to them through my blog. That’s why my blog’s tagline is ‘Talk With Me.’ ”

Hutagalung and Putra’s blogs focus on specific topics, but the majority of the Indonesians bloggers writing in English are diarists, who post as the mood strikes.

Devi Girsang, a 22-year-old medical student born, raised and living in Jakarta, operates the site “It’s My Life,” last updated May 5. With a tagline, “Love & Tears. Laugh & Cry. Achievements & Regrets. Welcome To My Life!” Girsang’s blog ranges from discussions on everyday topics such as poor customer service to inquiries on why people do bad things.

Such topics written from an Indonesian perspective and in English help readers realize that people worldwide run into the same problems and share the same emotional inquiries.

In another blog, “Republikbabi,” 23-year-old Calvin Sidjaja from Bandung posts updates about growing up with a mixed heritage in Indonesia. On his blog, Sidjaja discusses the role of mixed heritage Indonesians, such as Dutch-Indonesians and Chinese-Indonesians. He delves into the history of mixed heritages in Indonesia and how society views these people today.

“Many international students were helped because of the personal essays [on my blog],” he said.

But the Internet is not always the safest place to express personal and sometimes controversial opinions.

Girsang has “been accused of being an ‘American-wannabe’ from an anonymous commenter,” and Sidjaja notices how any type of neutral post he writes on religion always causes controversy.

Regardless of the hate mail and negative feedback, the bloggers find that voicing their thoughts and opinions in English is beneficial. “Though difficult to write in English, I like challenges. I love the rhythm of English words. It’s more personal and subjective,” Budi Putra explains.

To these bloggers, writing in English is their key to communicating to the outside world as they find freedom in abandoning their own tongue for just a few moments a week or month.

“Bahasa can be so difficult because of the formality of the language. I can express myself more casually in English” Girsang said.
These ten English-language blogs appear in the top 50 Indonesian blogs tracked by Web site www.indonesiamatters.com

Three Popular Blogs Written by Expats Living in Indonesia:

These three blogs written by expatriates living in Indonesia are ranked in the top six on blogs.indonesiamatters.com.

1. Brandon Hoover
thejavajive.com/blog
Consisting of high-resolution photographs, Brandon Hoover’s blog takes a look at Indonesia’s natural beauty and his life here as an American. Aesthetically pleasing, Hoover’s blog illustrates how Indonesia has influenced his thoughts and photography. A fan of Indonesia, Hoover’s blog provides an American’s perspective on the joys of living in the country.

2. Jakartass
jakartass.blogspot.com
Jakartass, written by a Westerner living in Jakarta, consists of witty posts chronicling the life of an expatriate in Jakarta. Posts on the blog discuss local news as well as personal experiences illustrating quirks in Indonesian culture. Most recent posts discuss power cuts in Jakarta and a list of books by bloggers. Information on Indonesian acronyms and slang words are found on the sidebar of the blog.

3. Treespotter
Treespotter.blogspot.com
Treespotter is a personal blog containing posts mostly on daily life in Indonesia and current, local events. Posts include idiosyncrasies in Jakarta culture, such as how there is always a place to smoke. The personal posts are both entertaining and in depth, while the posts pertaining to politics are written from an outsider’s point of view.


Ten Blogs by Indonesians Who Are Writing in English:

These ten English-language blogs appear in the top 50 Indonesian blogs tracked by Web site www.indonesiamatters.com.

1. Michael Hutagalung
michaelhutagalung.com
Web designer Michael Hutagalung maintains a blog that consists of his personal perspectives, his design portfolio and discussions on Wordpress themes and Indonesian social issues. His blog offers readers the opportunity to learn about the Wordpress program as well as read an Indonesian perspective on the upcoming election.

2. Budi Putra
budiputra.com
Blogger Budi Putra of this self-titled blog provides commentary on local news and technology gadgets. Mixing local technological news, such as Indonesia’s launch of digital TV, Putra also updates readers on more esoteric news such as the discovery of Indonesian sea horses. Technologically-savvy Putra comments on how information from the upcoming election will be broadcast via SMS.

3. Devi Girsang
devigirsang.blogspot.com
Attracting both Jakartans and foreigners, Devi Girsang’s personal blog gives insight into the life of a young, Indonesian medical student. Girsang blogs on topics ranging from laptop malfunctions to bus-riding etiquette. Girsang’s blog gives expatriates the opportunity to observe a young Indonesian’s experiences, while peers can relate or rebut Girsang’s critiques of Jakarta culture and society.

4. Merlyna Lim
merlyna.org/blog
Blogging from her home in Arizona, Merlyna Lim’s blog focuses on her craft as an artist and her thoughts on both Indonesian and American issues. In between posts of her personal drawings and collages, Lim touches on local topics such as the construction of urban space in Bandung and internationally relatable topics such as inequalities within society.

5. Martin Manurung
martinmanurung.com
Martin Manurung’s self-titled blog covers topical news issues in Jakarta. Providing his own commentary and critique of social, economic and political topics, Manurung tries to counterbalance foreign media reports that he feels are often “misleading.” Straying away from gossip, Manurung’s blog gives foreigners an inside look from a local’s perspective.

6. Calvin Michel Sidjaja
republikbabi.com
Touching on sensitive topics such as his search for his family tree and being of mixed heritage, Calvin Sidjaja’s blog consists of posts on his personal life and experiences. Sidjaja’s Indonesian heritage is a main theme of his blog, a topic that many young adults can relate to.

7. Ecky
cisayong-girl.blogspot.com
Known on her blog as Ecky, the blogger writes from Australia. Though she mostly posts on personal subjects such as shower rituals and the perks of being a woman, Ecky also writes about the difficulties that come with change and leaving the comfort of her home country, Indonesia. Ecky also posts topical news from Jakarta, such as the upcoming election and President Obama’s effect on Indonesians.

8. Carla Ardrian
socialindividualist.blogspot.com
Blogging on various topics from gardening to photography, Carla Ardrian provides an Indonesian perspective on everyday things. Accommodating her Indonesian readers, Carla posts innovative recipes and political commentary, while foreigners may be more attracted to her travel and cultural tips. One of Carla’s posts comments on her experience of receiving incorrect directions as a tourist in Bali.

9. Nana Podungge
afeministblog.blogspot.com
Nana Podungge’s most recent post on her blog, “A Feminist Blog,” discusses the topic of religion. Podungge considers herself a secular Muslim. Her religious views are mixed with the other main focus of her blog, a woman’s role in society. A unique combination, Podungge’s blog provides insight into controversial topics.

10. Martha
mamahit.net/blog
“Frank and Martha’s Blog,” written by Martha, captures the life of a young family in Jakarta. Martha’s updates illustrate the charms shared by all families worldwide, such as receiving her first written letter from her elementary school-aged son. Chronicling the life of a mother, Martha shares her thoughts on baking experiences, the workplace and raising a young child.

Conversation

In one encounter with a cousin of mine

A: Why did you get divorced?
N: We were no longer suitable to each other.
A: Tidak ada dua orang hidup bersama, kemudian langsung cocok begitu saja. Keduanya harus saling mencocokkan diri satu sama lain. (There is no case of a couple living together where the two of them directly suit each other. Both of them have to struggle to do that.)
N: Aku tidak mau mencocokkan diri dengannya lagi. (In that case, I no longer was willing to do that.)

This part of the conversation reminded me of one cynical or rhetorical question of one post in a friend’s blog, some years ago: “Enak saja bilang ‘kita berdua ga cocok lagi.’ (How could people easily say, ‘we were no longer suitable to each other?’ What did you consider before getting married in the past?”
The answer is simple actually: “People change.” When only one of the couple changes, the other doesn’t change, the two of them will not be compatible anymore.
In one scene of “Definitely Maybe” movie, Sarah was worried to let Will go to New York. “You will change …” Sarah pleaded. “Let us change together,” Will responded.
When the love disappears between the couple, or perhaps only in one of them, living together will be like in hell for both of them, or especially for the one whose love has disappeared.

A: Kalau kasusnya begitu, ya repot. Aku ga bisa berkomentar apa-apa lagi. (So, if that is the case, I cannot comment anything else.)
N: You had better not.

*****

A: You have a boyfriend?
N: No. Not yet.
A: Is he already married again?
N: Not yet.
A: Ah … why don’t you two get back to each other?
N: Naaaay … No way.

(What a stubborn cousin. LOL. Haven't I told him before that my ex and I are no longer compatible? Just blame me, if you want, because I have changed alone, I have left my ex far behind me so that he could not catch up. Just blame me, if you want, because my love for him has disappeared with the wind. But, blame him for making this happen. A long long time ago.)

A: Have you ever heard a hadith saying that blessing of a woman is on the husband's hands (or feet? I forgot what he said. LOL.)?
N: Bless me because I am not married! My blessing is directly on God's then.

This cousin of mine must be dreaming thinking that I would be easily cheated by such a misogynist hadith. Wake up, cousin! My role models are Fatima Mernissi and Amina Wadud for Muslim feminists. Another role model of mine is Charlotte Perkins Gilman, a Deist. My favorite reading is JURNAL PEREMPUAN.
Anyway, that conversation happened on our first encounter. He obviously doesn't read my blog thoroughly, though he found my blog first, then me.
SPB 08.20 180609

Sure you can ask me personal questions (2)

I am a Muslim, if you think religion for you to know. But I am a secular Muslim. Sometimes I even label myself as an agnostic, especially during my journey to be an acclaimed feminist and a secular.
Don’t get me wrong. I shaped myself as a secular from books I have read. My background was strict, religious family and somewhat conventional Islamic elementary school.
The turning point in my religious or spiritual life was when I was pursuing my study at American Studies, Gadjah Mada University; the reading materials from some classes, plus books I bought using the allowance I got from BPPS, mixed with my rebellious nature and ‘wild’ interpretation changed me to be the present Nana.
Surely, I felt very alone and weird afterwards, thinking that no one could understand my way of thinking. Blogging has helped me a lot to overcome this problem. Joining some mailing lists—whose members are broad-minded—obviously made me feel “I am not the only one to be a secular (and sometimes agnostic) and a feminist. Nevertheless, when facing ‘real’ people’ in my ‘real’ world, I still feel weird. Anyway, I have to move on with my life, right?
Recently I have been busy working especially since August 2008 so I don’t have much time left for blogging. That’s why I seldom post in my blogs, only some trivial poems (sometimes )
My daily schedule is
• Monday till Friday 07.00-15.00 in an international school. My teaching schedule is around 26 slots per week. During 2008/2009 academic year, I taught Senior English level 1, Bahasa Indonesia for grades 7, 8, 9, and supervised library sessions for the same grades.
For 2009/2010 academic year perhaps I will handle Senior English level 1 and 2, English literature for grades 7, 8, 9, and IGCSE Sastra Indonesia for grade 10.
• Monday till Thursday 17.00-19.00, Friday 16.00-18.00 and Saturday 08.00-12.00 and 16.00-18.00 I teach English as a foreign language in one English course.
• Monday AND Thursday 19.00-21.00 I teach Poetry and Drama Analysis classes in one private college in my hometown.
Very hectic, isn’t it? :)
Practically I don’t have much time left to do exercise. Therefore I usually bike around the town around 30-60 minutes after teaching. I bike to work from Monday until Thursday.
Well, b2w has become my lifestyle since July 2008, after I joined b2w Semarang community. At first, someone named ‘Aluizeus’ read my post at ‘multiply’ blog complaining about the soaring price of gasoline. He suggested that I b2w to overcome the problem. :) To read more complete writings of mine about b2w, you can visit my blog at http://afemaleguest.multiply.com under tag ‘b2w’.
Being born in a Muslim family that belongs to the so-called ‘indigenous’ ethnic in Indonesia absolutely made my life easier, not much discriminative treatment I have ever got. Though I don’t have Javanese blood, living in Java island is very ok for me since I look like the majority of Javanese people, brown complexion, dark hair, and dark almond-shaped eyes. If bloody events happen (such as a tragedy in May 1998), I will certainly NOT be targeted. Nevertheless, it doesn’t mean I don’t have empathy for my fellow Chinese Indonesian citizens. Just read my posts thoroughly at http://afeministblog.blogspot.com
The “only” discriminative treatment I have ever got, as far as I remember, is because I was born with vagina, breasts, and womb. However, this “only” thing means BIG when coming to the life of women in this patriarchal society.
Some reasons why I blog in English:
• English is my second language, since I graduated from English Department.
• To sharpen my ability in writing in English—one thing I oftentimes had to do during my study at American Studies Graduate Program. I work in a place where I am not obliged to write a lot. Writing in English for blogs helps maintain my ‘spirit’ as a Graduate Program student. :)
• To reach wider audience. I sometimes address people living out of Indonesia to talk about what has happened in my home country.

LL Tbl 10.20 120609

Sure you can ask me personal questions (1)

Nana Podungge is my name.
Well, I was born in Semarang, but both of my parents are from Gorontalo, North Sulawesi.
Yup, I got my family name from my parents. Both of them happen to be Podungge; in fact they are cousins.
I am a teacher, especially an English teacher.
The most interesting thing from my profession? Well, I love sharing knowledge I have, and love to know my students’ experience too, so there is a kinda exchanging knowledge between us.
I love reading, writing, blogging, listening to music, biking, and swimming. In fact swimming is my most favorite sport although since I bike to work, I don’t go swimming regularly anymore.
Blogging? Ya you can say this is my most favorite pastime. I have loved writing since I was a kid. Blogging has enabled me to expose my writings so that other people can read my writings too. (I am absolutely a narcissist for this. LOL.) Moreover after I was awakened by feminist ideology, blogging has obviously helped me a lot to express my anxiety.
Wanna know my blogsites? Easy. Just type NANA PODUNGGE in any search engine, google, yahoo, or any other. You’ll be led to my blogsites.
Single or married? Hmm … do you think I look like a single or married woman? LOL.
My favorite reading is JURNAL PEREMPUAN. One favorite book of mine is SI PARASIT LAJANG written by Ayu Utami.
I was born and raised in Java island so my favorite dish is Javanese food, such as ‘pecel’, ‘gudangan’. I also like fried rice and ‘kwetiau’.
My favorite drink is coffee. The second is tea. The third is orange juice. No, I don’t like soda drink. :) Well, I don’t think I am a coffee addict, though. :-d
SPB 09.30 120609


This is 'kwetiau'. :)

Small talk

On the second day in my CONVERSATION CLASS level 3, my students and I were talking about SMALL TALK, what kind of topic people talk about, especially when it is their first time meeting each other. As everybody knows, the topic is very various, and it definitely depends on the situation, place, and time.
When I elicited what kind of situation, a new student said, “Wedding parties …”
I wrote it on the whiteboard, then elicited again, “When you are in wedding parties, what do you talk about when you meet a new person?”
The same student answered, “Status Miss …”
I was stunned. I was never in such a situation, being in a wedding party, talking to a stranger, then being asked, “Are you single? Or are you married?” or asking someone else, a stranger, the same question.
I was a bit doubtful to write ‘marital status’ next to situation ‘wedding parties’ at first. But then I remembered one intriguing character in the movie ‘PS I love you’, Denise.
“Have you guys watched PS I LOVE YOU?”
Two or three girls raised their hands. However they did not remember Denise. (Perhaps because they watched it long time ago, while I just watched it a couple of weeks ago and I was intrigued by Denise.) So then I practiced.
I asked one male student in my class, “Are you single?”
He seemed confused to answer. Perhaps he has a girlfriend already. LOL.
I went to another male student, “Are you single?” he convincingly answered, “Yes Miss.”
Then I asked him again, “Are you gay?”
He frowned, then answered, a bit offended or confused, LOL, “No Miss …”
Apparently he did not watch PS I LOVE YOU. LOL.
The following question (in the movie) was, “Are you working?”

After Denise got satisfying answer, “Yes,” “No,” and “Yes”, she would confidently kissed the guy’s lips. After some time, she would stop the kiss. If she thought the kiss was just so so, not yummy at all, LOL, she would say, “oh not nice. Bye …” leaving the guy dumbfounded. LOL.
“Is it possible to practice it in Indonesia, especially in Semarang?” I asked my students. Instead of answering my question, they just laughed.
“Wish I could do that here though.” I said. LOL.
Oh well, my experience so far, I never attended wedding parties all alone, and I usually would just talk to the ones who accompanied me—Angie, sisters, or workmates.
“What other topic do people talk about in wedding parties?” I continued eliciting.
“The bride and the groom, Miss…” someone proposed.
“Good … what do you people talk about the bride and the groom?” I asked.
No one gave me an interesting answer.
“Well, I remember in one wedding party of a friend. She was in her middle thirties when she got married, and her husband luckily or coincidentally was nine years younger than she was. It is up to you whether you consider it lucky or unlucky or just so so.” I said to my students.
“In the party, I overheard people talk about the age gap between the bride and the groom, such as, ‘wah, kok nganten lanange isih kinyis-kinyis ngono?” LOL. (Wow, the groom looks so young and fresh!")
The following question possible asked to a stranger was, “Are you a friend of the bride or the groom?”
“How about if the stranger answered honestly, “None of them…” I asked.
“How come Miss?” one student asked.
“Well, a smuggler you know, just a passerby wanted to eat for free.” LOL.
There were some other situation and interesting topics. However, I have to prepare myself to go to the office now.
PT56 08.05 180409

New year resolution

In fact, I hardly ever make new year resolution. First time I made it by the end of 2004. Only one of them I made to come true, almost a year after that, due to my laziness. (And my being a perfectionist. A good friend labeled me. Well, she just valued me too highly, I believe.)
This year, what will I make for my new year resolution? Or a beuer question, why should I bother myself to make it this time?
Just to write in my blog, to be honest, since I'm a narcist. LOL.
To be a better Mom for my only daughter. If I can be one. :-)
To be a better daughter for my Mom. (I know I've made her disappointed in religiosity, since we have been in 'different boats' though still under the same flag. Because of the intellectual gap between us. I'm sorry to say this. But I can't help it. :-()
To bike more to reach any destination I go, to care the environment, since I'm not vegan, and gardening is not my cup of tea.)

Crbn 17.46 020109

Feminism Ideology

“From several kinds of feminism ideology, how do you classify Gilman?”

This question came up after I presented my paper entitled “Woman Madness in Charlotte Perkins Gilman’s ‘The Yellow Wallpaper’ and Putu Oka Sukanta’s ‘Dewi Bulan Jatuh di Batam’”, in the International Seminar held by Catholic University Soegijapranata Semarang, last January 16, 2008.
I must say that it was somewhat difficult to answer since Gilman did not call herself as a feminist. One clear reason behind Gilman’s opinion was in the end of the nineteenth century, the women (feminist) movement struggled for suffrage. Gilman was of opinion that right to vote didn’t automatically make women equal to men. She was convinced that working to earn money in order to be economically independent would make a woman equal to men. However, the twentieth century critics labeled her as a radical feminist due to that conviction—that made Gilman different from her contemporary woman activists in that century. Therefore, to answer the question above, I cited what the twentieth century literary critics called Gilman.
“How do you classify yourself? A liberal feminist, a radical, Marxist, or any other kind of feminist? Someone asked me via a short message.
This question also made me dumb. How do I classify myself?
Different from Gilman who refused to be called a feminist, I proudly claim myself as a feminist. I oftentimes think that I need to expose my way of thinking, with the hope that people will understand why I say this and that, or write this and that. Nevertheless, I don’t mind either if my exposing myself as a feminist to public doesn’t make them easily understand me. (This is of course because many people in Indonesia still don’t know what ‘feminist’ means. They are somewhat confused of terms ‘feminist’ and ‘feminine’. LOL.)
However, the same as my confusion how to classify Gilman, I don’t want to classify myself either, whether I am pro of what kind feminism ideology. As I have written in several posts in my blogs (for those who loyally follow and ready my posts, probably they will not really mind themselves whether I am a radical, liberal, etc feminist), I have my own definition of feminism. Feminism is more to give women right to choose kind of life for themselves. Give women freedom to make their own decision. What kind of decision? Read my previous post I entitled “Gender Equality” (or check it in my blog at http://afeministblog.blogspot.com) Issue of what kind of feminism ideology is not important for me anymore, as long as women feel at ease in their lives. Focus more on bettering women’s lives rather than stopping at question “What kind of feminist are you?” We are all sisters, aren’t we? No matter what kind of feminism ideology we adhere? Even no matter whether a woman doesn’t involve herself in a feminist movement.
PT56 15.40 230308

One Day in My Life

“You don’t work, do you?” accused a salesclerk when I was about to buy a pair of goggles the other day, in one sport store at Ciputra Mall Semarang.
I understood why she accused me like that. I went there around 11.40 am (usual working hours), wearing jeans, t-shirt, a jacket, and carrying a backpack; not usual outfit for workingwomen, is it?
I wanted to find out what made her fussy like that (instead of just considering it as a small talk to a customer).
The first possibility: Was she jealous of me because she had to work as a salesclerk to make her ends meet?
Referring to women from low social class who had to work hard to earn money, to be able to give their children food and clothing (perhaps including education) in the nineteenth century America, they could be said that they were somewhat jealous of their fellow women citizens who came from middle and high social classes. The latter did not need to keep their nose to the grindstone only to buy food and clothing. Therefore, the first probably did not have any idea what on earth made the latter struggled to get right to work outside home.
This similar phenomenon is also easily seen in Indonesia. Many women coming from low class society do not understand why women from higher social class have to work (they don’t understand self actualization as well as self esteem needs proposed by Maslow) when their husbands can give them enough earnings every month. (enough is always relative, isn’t it?)
The second possibility: did she underestimate me as a financially dependent creature? Since she thought I didn’t work, it was easily concluded that to her I was a housewife. To some people, a housewife is just a pathetic ‘profession’ because she financially depends on her husband. Being a financial dependant, a woman is prone to domestic violence, especially if she has a husband who doesn’t appreciate a housewife because this ‘profession’ doesn’t make money, a husband who thinks that money maker is always superior.
Why should she underestimate me if I chose to be a housewife? Because in this twenty first century, with its gender equality “phenomenon”, women are more honored when they make money?
I assume that she needs to read this blog of mine to know my personal ‘ideology’. LOL. As a feminist I am fully aware that the core of gender equality lies in the right to make choices in life. Women have full rights to have their own kind of life. (You can refer to my previous post.)
PT56 20.17 070108

Not Knowing ...

I sometimes think that not knowing something is better than knowing. Or, not knowing makes someone’s life more peaceful.

In Javanese culture, in general, and in Central Java (or Semarang) in particular, people suggest that when someone is hospitalized, he or she is to leave the hospital (after getting cured) NOT on Saturday. Why? Javanese people believe that when someone leaves the hospital on Saturday, he or she is “doomed” to be back to the hospital, to be hospitalized again not long after that.

Although my family don’t have Javanese blood in our bodies, we somewhat believe in that so-called “myth”. It is easily understood because we have been living in Java for decades. Therefore, when my youngest sister was hospitalized last December (from the Christmas’ eve until the New Year’s eve), and the doctor let her go home on Saturday (December 29), my family chose to bring her home on Sunday December 30. (Un)fortunately, on that Saturday morning December 29, her temperature increased again and she got chilled terribly. This made the doctor ask us to let her stay in the hospital longer. We ourselves didn’t dare to bring her home.

Two days after that, Monday December 31 she seemed much better. She also started to feel bored of the situation in the hospital while her elder sisters felt exhausted attending her days and nights. My younger sister proposed an idea to bring the youngest home. Around 1pm when the doctor came to check her condition, I asked him that possibility. To our heart’s relief, he let us to bring her home.

Meanwhile, at the administration office, I met a guy who paid his sister’s expense. He was so in a hurry that he didn’t wait for the hospital to give him the computerized receipt. He simply said that he would come back afterwards to take the receipt and the change. (He didn’t live far from the hospital.) When asked by one of the nurses, he said, “We want to bring her home as soon as possible since tomorrow is Tuesday. We’ve got to do it before 4pm.” While giving you-know-what-I-mean look toward the nurse as well as to bewildered me.

I was dumbfounded. I didn’t ask him to explain what he meant. My being wise guy made me draw a conclusion—or a rhetorical question—whether the Javanese also treat Tuesday the same as Saturday as a “bad day” to go home from the hospital. Since that out of the blue made me uneasy, I called my mom (I was at the hospital attending my youngest sister together with Angie at that time) to pick us up before 4pm. ((NOTE: although it was still Monday, Javanese people believe that after 4pm, it could be considered to “have entered” or “to be counted” Tuesday already.)

(FYI, we left the hospital after 4pm because of some things. I didn’t tell my family about my “new finding” that Tuesday is not a good day to leave the hospital, not different from Saturday.)

*****

Friday January 11 my youngest sister’s temperature increased again.

Sunday January 13, her body was very weak and the temperature was still high although we already took her to one doctor whose house was close to our dwelling place. The medicine that particular doctor gave didn’t work at all to decrease her temperature. Consequently, we decided to take her to the (same) hospital again. She had to be hospitalized due to dengue fever. Two weeks before, it was due to typhoid.

My mom commented, “We’ve avoided bringing home from the hospital on Saturday before this. However God “destined” that she had to be hospitalized again, what can we do? This is obviously out of our power.”

I kept quiet. I remembered the guy giving me you-know-what-I-mean look to explain why he brought her sister home in a hurry around two weeks before. This made me think that I had better not hear such a “rubbish myth” than I made myself sound so ridiculous and silly.

(I wrote this on January 18, 2008. My youngest sister was let go home on the day believed as the best day for Muslims. Since the doctor came to check her condition early, around 10.30—compared to the previous doctor who was responsible to treat her last December—I could ask my Mom to pick us up before 12, to make sure that it was STILL FRIDAY.

PT56 21.00 180108

My Naivete

To be raised in a very strict religious family and sent to Islamic (although only) elementary school is one of my big burdens in this life, I assume. The bigger burden is when I successfully (I suppose so) gave myself ‘enlightenment’ to get rid of the blind Islamic teachings and doctrines (you can read my post I entitled “My Spiritual Journey” in http://afeministblog.blogspot.com (in English) or http://serbaserbikehidupan.blogspot.com (in Bahasa), I still (have to) live surrounded by those people who are blindly indoctrinated. The most recent case of Al Qiyadah even showed that the majority of Muslim in Indonesia—not only those living around me—is still blindly indoctrinated.
When I involve myself in the lively discussion (especially about religion) with my cyber friends in one mailing list, I feel my burden get lighter. However when I keep in touch with people around me—with their judgmental eyes when looking at me—I always feel like thumped to a very hard rock! And since I lack masculine soul—I don’t like direct confrontation—I would rather be quiet.
Referring to Sobrino, one liberal theologian from Latin America, (cited by one member of JIL), three important aspects in enlightenment are: human agency, critical (and intellectual) thinking, and public reasoning. I somewhat doubt if people around me—and also Muslim people in Indonesia generally—will really be enlightened so that they will respect what other people believe if they keep thinking that religion is not dialectical. Their reasoning has been silenced and will always be dumb with the government (plus the media)’s strong support. When their reasoning is silenced, how can they think critically? That means their role as an agent does not function well either.
And I must say that I am really impatient to wait a miracle to come so that I will really live humanly and peacefully, without being judged unfairly.
PT56 23.50 021107

Setting Up Priorities

One thing that I will never regret for my getting married in a relatively young age (FYI, I got married when I was 23 years old) is having the baby that was born a year after my wedding. I gave her full name DZIKRINA ANGGIE PITALOKA, or Angie for short. And I gave her a loving nick MY LOVELY STAR when I made a special blog for her. You can check it at http://my-lovely-star.blogspot.com
I was still a student of English Department Gadjah Mada University at that time. When finishing my study at that bachelor’s degree, I had to leave Angie for several days. I remember I stayed in Jogja for around 10 days and stayed in Semarang for around 4 days. Except when I was doing the community service (KKN) in Bayan regency of Purworejo for two months, September till November 1992, I only had two days to visit Angie, each time I left the KKN site. I couldn’t stay longer because the rule said that a student could leave the site only for about 24 hours, not more than that. And staying in Semarang for around 2 days already broke the rule. LOL.
During finishing my study, I let Angie taken care of by my dearest Mom. Do you think it then made my relationship with Angie not strong? If you think so then you are wrong. Before leaving her to go back to Jogja to pursue my study, I didn’t let anybody take care of her. For about 10 months (Angie was born in April 1991, I moved back to Jogja in February 1992) Angie and I built our emotional ties, and it was very successful in my opinion.
After my graduation in October 1993, I moved back to Semarang, and I became the most favorite person for Angie again. My leaving her for about one and a half year did not make Angie forget the emotional ties we had built before that. We continued that ‘effort’ again before I got a job. And after I got a rather established job that made me busy out of the house, my emotional ties with Angie was already established too.
My good relationship with Angie inspired some friends to have the same experience. They dreamed of having a harmonious relationship with their daughters.
First, one ex workmate who dreamed of having a baby boy before she got married. After seeing my harmonious relationship with Angie, she changed her mind. She welcomed her first baby daughter warmly. Unfortunately because she had to work hard to earn money, she could not have much time to spend with her daughter. Both of she and her husband had to work while she did not really believe in having a babysitter or a nanny to take care of her daughter. Therefore, she left her daughter with her mother who lived in Magelang. She only visited her daughter every weekend. It has been like that for about four years. Until now she still works hard to be able to buy a house while waiting for the time for her bringing her daughter to live together in Semarang. From her experience she once in a while told me—when we worked together in one institution—I concluded that she was quite successful to build the emotional ties between her and her daughter despite the long distance of their dwelling.
Second, one workmate of mine now. She got married in her mid thirties and had a baby daughter around a year after that. She wanted to have good emotional ties too with her daughter although she said that she favored a baby boy more than a baby daughter. However she showed me a bit disappointment when she saw her daughter closer to her husband rather than to her. The coming of the second baby—a boy—in less than two years after her first baby made her a bit confused to choose a career or her children. Her busy working to make her ends meet has made her baby boy even closer to the babysitter rather than with her. It was a dilemma for her.
“Then set your priorities,” I told her when she confided in me several weeks ago.
“My priorities are my children. I want to have good emotional ties with my children as good as yours with Angie. My busy working has made my children—especially the younger—ignore me when I was at home. He would rather be with the babysitter than with me. Should I give up working and be a full housewife?” she asked me.
“Do you think the income of your hubby will be enough to cover up your daily needs?” I asked her back.
“I am afraid not. You know my paycheck is even higher than his.”
“What I mean with ‘set up your priorities’ is about the future of your children. Perhaps you can give them your full attention by giving up your job. But can you provide the funds for their future education? ‘Setting up priorities’ here means choice between present time—by staying with them for most hours everyday—and your future time—by leaving them many hours everyday. However, you can give them a better future because you can provide funds for their education by working. Which one is more important to you? The present time or the future time?” I explained thoroughly.
“Oh I got the picture,” she commented.
Well, I know this is always a dilemma. However I don’t want to just quote what patriarchal society says about a good woman and a bad woman. “A good woman must put aside their egotism for the happiness for the whole family?” “A bad woman is she who just thinks about herself, let’s say by choosing to have a career outside the house.” It is easy to say that a woman can become SUPER WOMAN by putting the two things in balance—be good in career and be good at home. Not wanting to leave your children? Just do something to augment your income from home. This does not always work for all women. Setting up priorities is always the main solution. Just stop putting women in pedestal place as if you adore them while at the same time you marginalize them.
“Don’t hurt yourself by thinking that you are selfish because you have to leave your children to work. This is also for their future. Don’t hurt yourself by thinking that you are not a good mother because you cannot stay with your children all the time. Apparently we two have different lives,” I soothed her.
Third, one ex workmate too who moved out of town to pursue her dream—to be a civil servant. She delivered her first baby—a daughter—around three months ago in Semarang. Apparently she wanted to follow my step—having a harmonious relationship with Angie. However, because she lives all alone in that town located in the East Java, she could not just take her daughter to live with her after her months off from the office were over. Her hubby lives in Semarang. This couple has a long distance marriage. She left her baby with her auntie who promised to take care of her while waiting for the time for my friend to provide a decent place to live. Her hubby cannot take care of the baby because he has been suffering from a mental disorder.
After writing the three examples above, I can conclude that the main obstacle for a woman to be close to their children—although it is not always applicable to all women in the world—is a matter of money. Women have to work to make their ends meet. I am of opinion that most women in Indonesia work to fulfill two needs from five needs proposed by Maslow in his theory; they are survival and security needs. They work to survive and to secure their future. While for the three other needs—self-acceptance, self-esteem and self-actualization are too high above to reach. Not many women in Indonesia think about that yet.
Do you want to have harmonious emotional ties with your children? Set up your priorities.
PT56 12.12 060807

Dream

In her article “How not to have sex with your friend”, Ayu Utami mentioned two possible reasons why out of the blue some people get the urge to have sex with their friends. First, because of alcoholic influence; second, having erotic dreams.
The question is: have you ever had erotic dreams with your friend(s)? The following question is: How could this kind of dream come into our sleep?
How about the first cause? Well, I have never tried any alcoholic drink so that I don’t know whether this kind of drink can really weaken the center of the brain whose function to control ourselves. LOL.
Several weeks ago when awake one morning, suddenly I realized that I had an erotic dream with one of my workmates. I was surprised to remember that. Why him? In my opinion he belongs to the loyal type of husband, with big control to himself. He is also the pious type. (read  pious type is referred to those who have big control of their emotion, passion, and sort of things, so in my opinion, a pious person will not have any idea to flirt other women. If we still find a “pious” person who cannot control himself, it means that he is just “fake”. LOL. If a “pious” person still greedily enjoys looking at other women, it means he even just abuses his religion. )
It was really an accident for me to have that dream. LOL. I don’t think I need to write the details of the dream, right? LOL.
If referring to the psychoanalytical theory saying that dream is the way out of what we keep in our subconsciousness, can I say that in my subconsciousness, I have ever wanted something erotically with that workmate of mine? LOL. I must say that this theory is wrong. I have never thought of that possibility. I have never consumed any alcoholic drink either that probably will “help” trigger that erotic want to come out of its hiding place. LOL.
In episode 7 season 5 of “Sex and the City” with the title “The Big Journey”, Carrie told her good friends about her want to have sex badly. She mentioned of her going to San Fransisco on a book tour, to promote her book, and perhaps to meet Big, her ex boyfriend. When Miranda gave her a stern look, Carried said, “Guys, I need to have sex. It has been too long. Lately I have been having dreams where I run up to complete strangers and I just start kissing them.”

I am of opinion that the psychoanalytical theory is properly applied in Carrie’s case. She wanted to have sex badly so that it appeared in her dream. Instead of doing it with a complete stranger, she chose to travel across the country to meet her ex boyfriend to get laid.
And I still don’t find the answer why I had such an erotic dream with a workmate of mine. If I could choose, I would rather have erotic dreams with complete strangers, just like what Carrie had. LOL. I don’t need to feel awkward when seeing that workmate of mine at the office after the dream. LOL.
PT56 11.17 260707

Maskulinitas dan Femininitas

KONSTRUKSI MASKULINITAS DAN FEMININITAS

Kun Fayakun, kata Tuhan. Maka jadilah kami seperti ini. Tetapi mengapa manusia terperangkap dalam dua kutub perempuan dan laki-laki, sehingga kami yang seperti ini dipersoalkan? Mengapa manusia yang diakui sah hanyalah perempuan dan laki-laki? Dan kami dimana? Apakah ini mengingkari sunnatullah? Allah a’lam bisshawab.
(Puang Saidi, percakapan tengah tahun 2003)
dari Srinthil, Media Perempuan Multikultural,
Kajian Perempuan Desantara, Oktober 2003, halaman 5

Dede Oetomo, si penulis buku MENBERI SUARA PADA YANG BISU, mengungkapkan dalam artikelnya yang berjudul “Aku, Gender, Seks, dan Seksualitas” (dimuat dalam Srinthil, Media Perempuan Multikultural, Desantara Oktober 2003, halaman 87-101) bahwa dia mendapatkan kemaskulinannya secara “terkonstruksi” (socially constructred) melalui hubungan-hubungan kompleks yang senantiasa berkembang dan bukan secara “given” begitu saja.
Hal ini menunjukkan pandangan bahwa mereka yang dilahirkan memiliki penis akan serta merta menjadi maskulin, maupun mereka yang dilahirkan memiliki vagina akan menjadi feminin tidak selalu benar.
Mungkin anda kemudian akan berkomentar, “Itu kan Dede Oetomo? Dia kan gay? Ya pantas saja kalau dia bilang begitu. Pengalaman seorang gay tidak cukup untuk kemudian dipakai sebagai tolok ukur orang-orang lain. Itu sangatlah subjektif.”
Seperti komentar seorang teman kuliah waktu dia tahu aku sedang membaca THE HISTORY OF SEXUALITY tulisan Michel Foucaoult, “Kamu membaca tulisan Foucaoult? Tentu saja kamu akan mendapatkan pembenaran atas homoseksualitas karena Foucault adalah seorang homo.”
Namun seandainya kita benar-benar bisa menimbang suatu masalah secara “objektif”, seberapa yakinkah kita bahwa pertimbangan itu benar-benar objektif? Dan lepas dari kesubjektifan seseorang, atau kesubjektifan satu komunitas secara mayoritas? Apakah hanya karena sesuatu itu ‘diamini’ oleh orang banyak, hal tersebut akan dengan serta merta dinilai “objektif”?
Dalam artikel ini aku ingin membandingkan pengalaman masa kecil Dede Oetomo, pertumbuhkembangannya dalam mengkonstruksi kemaskulinannya dengan pengalamanku sendiri yang terlahir memiliki vagina.
Aku punya seorang kakak laki-laki yang jarak usianya tidak terlalu jauh dariku, sekitar 22 bulan. Masa kecil yang kita lalui bersama membuatku ikut bermain apa yang dia lakukan. Maklumlah, seorang adik suka mengikuti apa yang dilakukan kakaknya bukan? Dan di waktu kecil, perbedaan gender tidaklah terasa begitu mencolok. Di waktu kecil kita bermain rumah-rumahan, bekel, dakon (yang konon permainan khas milik anak perempuan), sampai main kelereng, mobil-mobilan, lompat tali, naik sepeda, termasuk memanjat tiang rumah sampai ke genteng, (tidak ada pohon di halaman rumah kita waktu kecil karena kebetulan rumah kita sangat mungil, tidak ada tempat untuk pohon-pohonan) plus main layang-layang. Untuk main layang-layang, seperti Dede Oetomo, aku memang lebih sering gagal untuk menaikkannya ke angkasa. Oleh karenanya aku dan kakakku saling membantu untuk menaikkannya ke angkasa, dan kemudian aku akan menikmati memegangi benangnya setelah layang-layang terbang kian kemari di udara.
Kelahiran adikku, seorang perempuan, yang empat tahun lebih muda dariku tidak mengurangi kedekatanku dengan kakakku tatkala itu.
Diam-diam sepertinya Ibuku tidak begitu menyukai kebiasaanku bermain permainan yang konon katanya milik anak laki-laki.
Aku “dipisahkan” secara paksa dengan kakakku setelah dia khitan. Kata Ibu, “Dia laki-laki, kamu perempuan. Tidak baik untuk selalu bersama.” Namun, keasyikan melakukan hal-hal yang maskulin itu tetap melekat dengan erat di benakku.
Hal inilah yang melatarbelakangi keikutsertaanku olah raga karate ketika aku duduk di bangku SMP. Di satu sisi dalam diriku, aku ingin membentuk diri menjadi seorang perempuan yang disebut ‘tomboy’. Rasanya asyik aja. Sementara di sisi lain, aku tetaplah seorang perempuan yang naksir cowo.
Aku ingat meskipun ketika aku duduk di bangku SD, orang tuaku berlangganan beberapa majalah anak-anak sebangsa BOBO, TOM-TOM, dan ANANDA, sewaktu aku duduk di bangku SMP/SMA, orang tuaku tidak berlangganan majalah remaja, semisal GADIS, ANITA CEMERLANG, dll. Kadang-kadang saja kita membeli HAI.
Majalah GADIS, setahuku, biasa “mengajari” atau “membentuk” para remaja perempuan untuk menjadi “perempuan yang sebenar-benarnya”. Misal bagaimana menjadi perempuan yang feminin, bermakeup dengan baik namun masih tetap menunjukkan keremajaan, dan tidak seperti perempuan dewasa; bagaimana seorang remaja perempuan seharusnya bersikap dalam menghadapi satu masalah, dll. Sedangkan majalah HAI, yang katanya majalah untuk remaja cowo waktu itu, memuat artikel-artikel yang khusus “berbau” cowo, bagaimana seorang cowo “harus” macho agar benar-benar menjadi seorang laki-laki.
Karena tidak terbiasa membaca majalah khusus remaja perempuan inilah aku merasa berbeda dengan remaja perempuan sebayaku waktu itu. Kulihat teman-teman perempuan sebayaku sudah mulai membentuk diri untuk menjadi feminin, meniru apa yang mereka baca dari majalah remaja khusus untuk perempuan, sedangkan aku tidak begitu peduli. Kesukaanku mengikuti olah raga karate, dan kenangan novel serial silat yang banyak kubaca di waktu kecil (kakak sepupuku yang bersekolah di Gontor waktu itu tiap kali berlibur ke Semarang di bulan Ramadhan sering menyewa novel serial silat, dan aku suka berkhayal menjadi salah satu tokoh utama di situ) pelan-pelan membentuk kemaskulinanku. Tentu saja juga ditambah pengalaman melakukan permainan khas anak laki-laki yang dulu sering kulakukan dengan kakakku sewaktu duduk di bangku SD.
Aku sudah lupa apa yang kemudian membuatku HARUS melupakan dan menghentikanku dari membentuk diri menjadi maskulin. Yang aku ingat adalah ketika duduk di kelas III SMP, aku naksir seorang cowo, adik kelas, yang justru aktif mengikuti kegiatan ekstra kurikuler menari. Di mataku dia sangat gemulai tatkala menari di atas panggung, namun dia tetap ‘macho’. Tiba-tiba aku menjadi malu pada diri sendiri. Mengapa aku yang perempuan justru membentuk diri menjadi maskulin sedangkan dia yang laki-laki menggeluti hobby yang bisa membentuk dia menjadi feminin. Hal ini yang kemudian membuatku memutuskan untuk berhenti berlatih karate. Kata teman-teman, “Laki-laki tidak suka perempuan yang tidak feminin,” membuatku pelan-pelan mencoba menghilangkan sisi maskulin dalam diriku. Tujuan utama jelas: untuk menarik perhatian cowo yang kutaksir waktu itu.
Mencoba untuk menjadi feminin, agar ditaksir cowo (aku pun telah menderita Cinderella complex sejak remaja yang sayangnya sekarang tidak bisa kutelusuri kembali apa yang menyebabkan hal ini karena aku tidak terbiasa membaca majalah khusus perempuan remaja), ternyata tidaklah semudah yang kubayangkan.
Tatkala pertama kali menginjak masa bekerja sangat berat bagiku untuk harus selalu memakai rok karena pekerjaan yang mengharuskan mobile, pindah dari satu tempat ke tempat lain. Dalam satu hari aku kadang harus mengajar di empat cabang sekaligus. Hal ini dikarenakan peraturan bahwa pegawai perempuan harus memakai rok.
Tatkala aku mulai bekerja di sebuah universitas swasta dan beberapa rekan kerja perempuan memakai celana panjang, aku sangat menyukainya karena tentu saja akan lebih mudah dan nyaman bagiku. Untunglah tak lama kemudian peraturan di kantor lama bahwa perempuan harus memakai rok direvisi.
Kenangan masa kecil ketika aku sering melakukan permainan “khas cowo”, berlatih karate ketika duduk di bangku SMP, memaksa membentuk diri menjadi feminin untuk menarik perhatian cowo, semua ini berbaur menjadi satu pada diriku. Hal ini akhirnya membentuk diri seorang Nana yang tidak feminin namun juga tidak maskulin. I am in between. Kalau dalam keseharianku beberapa tahun terakhir ini aku lebih sering memakai rok panjang karena aku merasa nyaman saja, bukan karena aku ingin tampil feminin. Pembentukan diri menjadi seorang feminis telah membuatku meninggalkan keyakinan “untuk menarik perhatian cowo seorang perempuan harus feminin”. Aku suka memakai sepatu berhak tinggi juga bukan agar aku tampil feminin, melainkan agar aku tampil lebih tinggi karena Tuhan menciptakanku bertubuh mungil. LOL. (Sorry God, You become a scapegoat here. LOL.) Meskipun memakai sepatu berhak tinggi, aku tidak merasa berjalan dengan lemah gemulai. Kadang-kadang saja aku melangkah gemulai, kenangan tatkala melihat Angie latihan berjalan di atas catwalk, dan menirukannya. LOL.
Kembali ke tulisan Dede Oetomo, adakah maskulinitas dan femininitas yang benar-benar gifted from God? Aku lebih percaya bahwa maskulinitas dan femininitas merupakan produk konstruksi sosial budaya. So, tidak ada yang salah ketika seorang laki-laki tampil feminin atau seorang perempuan tampil maskulin.
Mengapa kita tidak mulai dari sekarang mengubah mind set kita bahwa jenis kelamin yang diciptakan oleh Tuhan hanya ada dua: perempuan dan laki-laki. Bahwa laki-laki (baca: makhluk berpenis) seperti Dede Oetomo diciptakan oleh Tuhan untuk menjadi makhluk “in between”. Seperti halnya perempuan (baca: makhluk bervagina) pun ada yang diciptakan oleh Tuhan menjadi makhluk “in between” karena memiliki jiwa laki-laki.
PT56 10.25 140707

Americanist vs Americanized

“I want you to be an Americanist, and not Americanized.”
I remember this statement of hope was said by one former lecturer of mine when I attended the general stadium in my first semester of American Studies Graduate Program, Gadjah Mada University Yogyakarta Indonesia.
Right now, instead of being an Americanist, I become Americanized, I suppose.  Oh, she must be very unhappy to know this. Not really Americanized perhaps, but westernized is more appropriate.
If there are the west and the east in this world, Internet has shrunk this world, hasn’t it?
PT56 22.05 250307

Westernized?

Apart from my effort to be able to understand the soul of teenagers (and I use my sixteen-year-old daughter as the main idea) so that I can keep in touch well with my teenaged students, I recognize that I will enjoy much better when teaching a class consisting of students whose age is not much different from mine.  The main reason, in my opinion of course, is because I like discussing life and its values seriously. My teenaged students apparently get difficulties to follow the course of my mind. I am too serious for them? I cannot have fun? Or my sense of humor is so high that my teenaged students do not understand? :)
In fact my reason to discuss life and its values is to encourage (not provoke LOL) my students to think more deeply and seriously. This is for sure. Nevertheless, I know many of them come to the English course where I work to study English, to be able to speak English more fluently, mostly; and to be able to write in English better. So, perhaps they find me boring when discussing a topic—let’s say about autistic children, indigo, sophisticated gadget, etc—beyond what is stated in the book.
However, when discussing similar things with Angie, my only daughter, she seems to be able to understand what I talk about and enjoy it too. Perhaps it is because she is accustomed to me and my way of thinking since we talk a lot. :)
When comparing (we cannot avoid comparing in our life, can we?) my teenaged students’ way of thinking and their counterpart in other countries—that I gather from movies, blogs, novels—sadly I must say that teenagers in Indonesia are less mature than those from other countries. Should we blame them? Of course not. They grow up following the way their older generations—let’s say parents, teachers, religious or national leaders—treat them.
Should I adapt myself with my teenaged students’ way of thinking or I force them to adapt themselves to me? :) No wonder if I refer to Phyllis Chesler’s thesis about woman madness—women who do not conform to stereotypes of patriarchal culture—it is very possible for my students to view me as weird creature. One good friend’s husband—a Dutch—said, “Nana has been westernized by her readings.”
PT56 21.55 250307

Getting Period 2

I got period for the first time at a relatively young age, 11 years old. I had heard about women getting menstruation from some subjects I got at school. (I went to Islamic elementary school, so I got some Islamic subjects, such as fiqh, tauhid, etc.) However, I didn’t know a lot about it, except that women are considered dirty when getting menstruation so that after the menstruation is over, they must take full shower to clean themselves, so that they become clean again and they are ready to do some Islamic teachings; such as praying five times a day, fasting, and reciting Alquran.
When the first time I got it, I got very shocked. One morning when I woke up, and prepared myself to pray Subuh (one pray done by Muslim in the early morning, before the sun rises), my mom came to me and prohibited me to do it. It made me very nervous and worried coz before that, my parents usually did on the way around, they would scold me if I didn’t pray. Why the hell on the way around then? Then my mom told me the reason. “You got what is called as menstruation. You are not supposed to pray.” Still, it didn’t really make me relieved.
Realizing blood suddenly came out of my private area absolutely made me very uncomfortable. Knowing that not many classmates of mine had experienced it (except some who were older than I was), made me more insecure. I was bloody embarrassed if my classmates knew about it. On the same day when I want back from school, the housemaid in my house said to me, “you must watch out now that you already get menstruation.” With a very serious facial expression. She really made me scared with that. Why do I have to watch out myself? What’s wrong with me with this so-called menstruation that made some blood coming out of my body while I didn’t feel anything wrong inside? Wearing sanitary napkin inside my panties of course made my movement uncomfortable.
Later on, I found out why that housemaid said such a thing to me. A girl who has got menstruation can get pregnant if she happens to get laid, and to get pregnant out of wedlock is something very embarrassing in Indonesia. And since that housemaid was not an educated person, she couldn’t explain it to me logically but scared me. And my mom didn’t know how worried and nervous I was at that time.
To avoid similar uncomfortable things happened to Angie, I talked a lot about this: menstruation is something that will always happen to women, it happens naturally, no need to be panicky, just accept it naturally too of course, coz there is nothing wrong actually, just monthly cycle inside women’s bodies.
My complaint is: when it is something natural, and there is oftentimes possibility for women to suffer from stomachache when they get menstruation, why many people make some unwise policy related to jobs especially where the policy just make women more marginalized?
e.g.: women are not supposed to be a leader coz they get period every month. The reason is: how if something very urgent happens and the leader needs to do something to handle it while at that time the female leader get stomachache due to menstruation.
Guys, we don’t choose to be born as creatures to get period and consequently we get stomachache sometimes. Why should you punish us with that so-called policy?
PT56 23.40 300806

Family Name 2

My parents are cousins so that they have the same family name, “Podungge”. This family name is somewhat strange to Javanese people’s ears so that my family sometimes had funny stories coz of this family name. When I was a kid, realizing that this family name was very strange, I was happy to know that this family name was not put behind my name in the birth certificate so that at school, my friends only knew me as “Nurhayati”. Kids here sometimes like to play jokes on parents’ names and it can be very offensive sometimes.

One day in 1970s, I sent a letter to my cousin living in Gorontalo, North Sulawesi, and I addressed her as, “Dearest Hilma Podungge”. My mom corrected me by saying, “She is not a Podungge.” Seeing me confused, she explained that her sister—my cousin’s mother—married to a man with different family name. I was wondering why my cousin should use her father’s family name and cannot choose to use her mother’s?

When reading Saman—a novel written by Ayu Utami, a feminist writer in Indonesia—I found Ayu’s witty criticism on this family name. Shakuntala—one main character in the novel—got difficulty to arrange her documents to study abroad coz she didn’t want to fill in the family name’s column. Her bad relationship with her father made her “kill” the father. At last, to compromise, she divided her name into two; Shakun as the first name, and Tala, as the family name. “Why should my father always follow me wherever I go during all my life? Can’t I live in peace without being related to my father?” this was a question uttered by Ayu Utami via her character in the novel.

Well, as long as there is no violence to women in using this family name, I don’t find it hurtful. However, when knowing in some certain ethnic groups of Indonesia that a woman is forced to bear many babies until she can “produce “ a baby son to pass on the family name, I object very much why a child cannot choose to use the mother or the father’s family name.
Suddenly, I really appreciate my late father’s choice not to include the family name behind my name in the birth certificate. I don’t belong to my father. LOL.
PT56 13.19 250706