Wednesday, February 9, 2011

My (almost) Pulitzer Prize worthy contribution to the literary world: A Grocery List =P

Cover Art provided by Van Gogh
I am a writer now, yall!
Like plenty of other bloggers, I enjoy writing just as much as I enjoy reading. Of course I've entertained the dream of having a book with my name on it flying off the shelves that I frequent, or a page of latest releases on Not that I use one (blogging) as a means to the other (writing)- I never talk about any WIPs or things on here. I use this blog as a soap box to contribute to the romance reading community; To give my honest opinion of what I think of a book. I try to give a sum up, some good and bad, likes and dislikes- the whole bit. And if a book is worthy of praise like 'damn near perfect', it'll get it. Not because the author thinks so, but because I do. People can say whatever they want about my reviews. Don't like them? don't read or solicit them.

But back to my writing: While it's true that 99.99% of the crap saved in my hard drive will never see the light of day, and the other 000.1% will be leaked by someone out to embarrass the shizzle out of me; I still hold out hope that one day, I'll write a compilation of sentences that will actually be considered 'riveting'.

I think today is that day. Please enjoy my (almost) Pulitzer Prize worthy grocer list. Leave critiques in the comments if you like. I'll try not to take it personal if some of you find my list one dimensional. Because I mean, what do you guys know anyway? Are you Emeril? Do any of you shop on a regular basis? Didn't think so:

One Grocery List to rule them all, One Grocery List to find them
One Grocery List to bring them all and in the darkness bind them
In the Land of Pathmark where the Shadows lie.

"This is the Master-Grocery List, the One Grocery List to rule them all.
 This is the One Grocery List lost many years ago,
  to the great weakening of its maker's power (I am still hungry as hell!).
  Now, she greatly desires to have it again,
..... but she must NOT get it"

The One Great Grocery List 
  1. Tampons (because I haven't reached menopause yet and that means I know nothing)
  2. Wheaties (Because Michael Phelps reminded me to eat them)
  3. Orgasmic Cookies (just really good cookies that are soft yet crunchy and always make me moan) 
  4. Snapple Apple (because it rhymes)
  5. Dr.Pepper (because it reminds me to make an appointment with my gyno)
  6. Coconuts (Because I've got a lovely bunch? - too easy)
  7. Luigi Italian Ices (because it's colder than an Eskimo's naughty bits, but I still crave them)
  8.  Strippers...lots of male strippers (Usually found around aisle 5 next to the body oil & bologna)

*BOOM* ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED! Is this list NOT worthy of your great esteem and 5 star reviews on Goodreads?

Okay, this unintelligible rant/display of the written word at its best is at its end.

And thanks to all you lovely individuals who follow this blog and find it entertaining and/or informative. I try. That's all any of us can do. You can't please all the people all the time and you can't write a frecking Pulitzer Prize worthy grocery list like I did on an empty stomach (there's a metaphor hiding in the last one I think).

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